Waffling...

It is an interesting term.
I think I am in that state.
A place where I want to do one thing but am unsure..
( almost never sure..)
But..I know there is a few things I need to do ..
Need.
Just not sure where to start ...to head down that path.
It may be the start of something. It will be the end of some things.
May be a new beginning. ... may be the way to continue toward a place I want to be..somewhere I want to end up..
Home.
Too much making do..not being happy.
Settling. .
No. Not the way you would think..
I can totally find happiness having someone I know appreciates my existence...as much as I do theirs.. physical aside.. mental connection..touch on a mental level.. if you will.. is much more important than physical touch.. that connection is nearly spiritual.. the mere presence of someone that allows you to love them.. completely, is very important.
Everything aside.. presence..knowing someone feels that you matter.. can be mentally satisfying. . On every level. To know you can ignite feeling in someone that thinks they are beyond flame..
Gives you such a rush..
Because the mind burns.. and it can be shared.. to be able to share a mutual connection..with zero expectation.. is bliss.
I guess that can only be described as love.. it is so beyond the physical expression we have come to expect..
But as we grow older..we should look to ones before us..the ones that had love that continued well beyond ..into their old age..
Being able to tolerate the idiosyncrasies of individually. . Yet still be in love.. long past the physical attraction.. where the mental attraction was already there..and had only grown..
We all change physically.. but the mental..spiritual changes must be growth.. if we can grow together.. we can age.. and accept the physical imperfections age gives us.. and anything else we must endure.. that we live with..but..if our grandparents showed us anything..is love..is fantastic..and we can still be happy after we get old ..flabby..less physically attractive..less able to perform.. or satisfy..but that connection. . Bridges the gaps..and you still find satisfaction... when you are old..and not the hot specimen. . But are so lost in the effects of love..that nothing is more beautiful .. or desired.. history.. time served..if you must.. mutual appreciation matters .. it becomes the reason...you appreciate..appreciation.
It makes you smile..

So..no real reason..to waffle.. don't make excuses.. you are loved..
Do not deny it.
Accept it.. it is because you deserve to be loved..
Do not deny it..
We all deserve to be loved..and appreciated.. wanted.. lusted over..
Satisfied... worshiped.. (yes..I went there.)

Stop.. denying that you want that.. you do.. we all do..

We want to find the one who cannot live their life the way they want to ..without you In it.. to be the reason.. they do what they do..

I admit it..

I never thought I would find anyone that fit in that place..
You know I have...
But.. you won't let me..
You find every way to discourage me..
I don't know why. .
... you don't want to break my heart..
You don't want to lose me as a
friend. ..(really?.. I am still here)
You could not push me away.
(.except.. if you told me to.. it would burn me.. )
I would go... reluctantly..but I would.

Enough negativity..

I know you are reading this.. .
Don't push me away. .
Please!

I know you think you must..

Think about it.. .

I am here.. been here. Not planning on going anywhere.

Thanks for the call.. I love to talk..
Especially with you.

I need to.. stop..
I'm letting the secrets out..

Hey... call me again.. it made my day..
As it always does. .

Truth

R 9/5/17

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