Or have not. ..
Really.. I cannot complain ..too much.
I do because I just am not happy if I am not at work..having something to keep me busy.. I dont sleep well.. I either wake too early and just go to work..or wake on time..and rush to work.. yet I am salary..and have no real set schedule.. I work at least 8 to 5...
Usually more.. since I have little reason to rush home after work..other than to eat..and clean.. and work at home..chores..
I do..have things I can do.. ambition is needed.. I cant find reason to do certain things.. motivation..
It is not that I am sitting around watching tv..or sleeping... oh how I wish I could sleep a normal schedule and actually be rested..
To have.. a reason to wake and look into the face of someone lying next to me and see that beauty.. is something I need..
Since I first shared a bed..waking up to a body next to me is a feeling I found I needed..something that was lacking in my existance..something I needed.
Yet.. all my life since has been a struggle to find that companion..
So..I have not...
I talked to a corporate boss yesterday.. and mentioned my daily struggles.. but did not ask about New Haven.. I should ask..
I will.
It is a step..
One I have to make..
Or I have to start looking outside the place I am..
Timing can dictate the 'have'.
I do not have anyone or thing prodding me..the suggestion..is all on me.
I have a lot. .
A job.
A home
A car
A daughter
I need..
New purpose
New location
New reason
Someone to share with
I am truly thankful for what I have.
But..like most of us.. I need a bit more.
I always have needed that bit to allow me to be happy.
I am typically ok.. I know how to make due with what I have..
If you know me..if you have been around me for a period of time..
You will know what a 'perma-grin' is..
The only way to describe it..is.. an uncontrolled grin that will not go away.
Some people force that in me..without trying..
Some situations facilitate it..
For me..it can be embarassing.. because I have no control over it..
I just grin.
If you have enabled it in me.. thank you!
Either intentionally or not.. I feel great when I experience it..when I realize it is happening.. especially if I realize it is because of you.
I figured out ..it has a lot to do with the person you are..
Not a physical thing..a connection..to the real you..
I feel it..and I become a grinning fool.
I am lucky if I can talk..
If I am comfortable around you.. you won't notice..
But I do.. it is a rush..
There has been a few notable persons that generate this in me..
But is has been few.
So there.. I have.
And yet..here I am.. looking..
Searching..
Problem is .. I can not convince the limited few that have taken the time to find me..to allow me more .. so here .. I ..am..
Here.
Not anywhere else..defiantly not where I can be happiest.
Here.
Love you all.
'Wish you were here'
Wish I was there.
R9/22/17
Really.. I cannot complain ..too much.
I do because I just am not happy if I am not at work..having something to keep me busy.. I dont sleep well.. I either wake too early and just go to work..or wake on time..and rush to work.. yet I am salary..and have no real set schedule.. I work at least 8 to 5...
Usually more.. since I have little reason to rush home after work..other than to eat..and clean.. and work at home..chores..
I do..have things I can do.. ambition is needed.. I cant find reason to do certain things.. motivation..
It is not that I am sitting around watching tv..or sleeping... oh how I wish I could sleep a normal schedule and actually be rested..
To have.. a reason to wake and look into the face of someone lying next to me and see that beauty.. is something I need..
Since I first shared a bed..waking up to a body next to me is a feeling I found I needed..something that was lacking in my existance..something I needed.
Yet.. all my life since has been a struggle to find that companion..
So..I have not...
I talked to a corporate boss yesterday.. and mentioned my daily struggles.. but did not ask about New Haven.. I should ask..
I will.
It is a step..
One I have to make..
Or I have to start looking outside the place I am..
Timing can dictate the 'have'.
I do not have anyone or thing prodding me..the suggestion..is all on me.
I have a lot. .
A job.
A home
A car
A daughter
I need..
New purpose
New location
New reason
Someone to share with
I am truly thankful for what I have.
But..like most of us.. I need a bit more.
I always have needed that bit to allow me to be happy.
I am typically ok.. I know how to make due with what I have..
If you know me..if you have been around me for a period of time..
You will know what a 'perma-grin' is..
The only way to describe it..is.. an uncontrolled grin that will not go away.
Some people force that in me..without trying..
Some situations facilitate it..
For me..it can be embarassing.. because I have no control over it..
I just grin.
If you have enabled it in me.. thank you!
Either intentionally or not.. I feel great when I experience it..when I realize it is happening.. especially if I realize it is because of you.
I figured out ..it has a lot to do with the person you are..
Not a physical thing..a connection..to the real you..
I feel it..and I become a grinning fool.
I am lucky if I can talk..
If I am comfortable around you.. you won't notice..
But I do.. it is a rush..
There has been a few notable persons that generate this in me..
But is has been few.
So there.. I have.
And yet..here I am.. looking..
Searching..
Problem is .. I can not convince the limited few that have taken the time to find me..to allow me more .. so here .. I ..am..
Here.
Not anywhere else..defiantly not where I can be happiest.
Here.
Love you all.
'Wish you were here'
Wish I was there.
R9/22/17
posted from Bloggeroid
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