Here I am.. nearly the middle of September. Nothing happening because I am not doing anything. Not attempting to do anything for me. Just doing the day to day.. I have several things I need to do.. I dont know how to start.. work is occupying most of my time. I get home and dont want to start on any of the projects that are waiting.
I need to do more than the standard chores.. I need to deep clean..I need to groom the cat.. I need to clean the garage.. paint.. I need to de-clutter. . Everywhere..
My mind especially.. too much going on in there..
Wishes and hopes and dreams.. really just looking for the way to get to the thing.. I need. Wants dont make it..just the needs..
Sometimes I am fortunate that they are the same.. but not that often.
Sometimes you get what you need..
I have been thinking these past few days..
I think I am failing.. I cannot jumpstart my young adult.. I cannot figure out where I should be.. or how to get there.
I am barely getting my work done.. too much for too long..
I cannot function this way for this long..and still do what is required.
This week for example.. major report due Monday.. three extremely detailed reports requiring physical research for lots of data.. due Tues and wed.. plus an early meeting that ended with new tasks.. also dealing with hired vendors that are only doing half the job..and im being asked when is this going to be finished??
Plus equipment failures.. requiring a minimum of 2 hours travel.. to flip a switch...
Annoying at best..
Yet.. I have this voice..in my head.. this series of images..
This feeling.. a comfortable place. . In my head.. the remembered smile.. the laugh.. eyes.. smell.. touch.. .
The wonder if it is all just going to be a memory... from now on.
I know I was so fortunate..
Yet.. here I am.. not doing much.. at least it feels that way..
I want to ..
It is just another day..in my mind..
I miss the contact..the conversation that gives my day a point.. a reason to get it done to be able to talk..listen..
I try..but not too hard..I don't want to force anything.. I dont know if I have ruined it.. I always think I have.. then.. without confirmation.. it just seems that way. .
Just another day..followed by the next..
R 9/13/17
I need to do more than the standard chores.. I need to deep clean..I need to groom the cat.. I need to clean the garage.. paint.. I need to de-clutter. . Everywhere..
My mind especially.. too much going on in there..
Wishes and hopes and dreams.. really just looking for the way to get to the thing.. I need. Wants dont make it..just the needs..
Sometimes I am fortunate that they are the same.. but not that often.
Sometimes you get what you need..
I have been thinking these past few days..
I think I am failing.. I cannot jumpstart my young adult.. I cannot figure out where I should be.. or how to get there.
I am barely getting my work done.. too much for too long..
I cannot function this way for this long..and still do what is required.
This week for example.. major report due Monday.. three extremely detailed reports requiring physical research for lots of data.. due Tues and wed.. plus an early meeting that ended with new tasks.. also dealing with hired vendors that are only doing half the job..and im being asked when is this going to be finished??
Plus equipment failures.. requiring a minimum of 2 hours travel.. to flip a switch...
Annoying at best..
Yet.. I have this voice..in my head.. this series of images..
This feeling.. a comfortable place. . In my head.. the remembered smile.. the laugh.. eyes.. smell.. touch.. .
The wonder if it is all just going to be a memory... from now on.
I know I was so fortunate..
Yet.. here I am.. not doing much.. at least it feels that way..
I want to ..
It is just another day..in my mind..
I miss the contact..the conversation that gives my day a point.. a reason to get it done to be able to talk..listen..
I try..but not too hard..I don't want to force anything.. I dont know if I have ruined it.. I always think I have.. then.. without confirmation.. it just seems that way. .
Just another day..followed by the next..
R 9/13/17
posted from Bloggeroid
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