Rain...

Yep.. its Fall..and it actually has been raining for a week.. cool, damp.. grey. We may get a couple warmer days this weekend into the start of the next week. I may be able to get some things done outside... but October is near..and we usually get snow in the first week or two..then it warms up and will get cold by the last week of the month. I am expecting a long cold snowy winter.. we are due.
I have mixed feelings about this..
I love snow..when I can enjoy it.. but recent history..is me clearing walks.. shoveling driveways... more labor involved than enjoyment.
Primarily. .perspective..

Switching subjects... I have been checking into the job statuses..I think I have figured out why they are having issues..and why I have not been contacted. . Someone did not allow internal applicants..
Good luck finding someone randomly from outside for that job..
The qualifications scream.. internal lateral move..
Anyway.. I need to make a call and inquire..
Just need the opportunity to do this..

I need to see what I should do next.. I have pressed the other manager about hiring my daughter..and he has been too busy.. to do much.. I get it..but.. he would be less busy if.. he hired her.
Yet... my karma..will settle..as he hires her..and I get the position in Connecticut. ..
If that happens.. my head will explode!

It may work out for the better.. I could spin it.. I have thought about it.

I need a few things..
Yet.. I am reluctant to persue things that are just for me. That would be selfish. I try not to be a selfish person. The key word is try...
We all are somewhat selfish..we deny it.. because we should.
If we don't. .we should. .we work hard for everything we have..
We can deny things for ourselves..but the only one that hurts is us.
Someone once said..pay yourself first.. that applies in many things.
We always will have bills..as long as we are working..we will have money to pay those bills..not always all at once..or in full...but planning and budgets..are what those are for..it doesn't work if you are living outside your means...but you can make it work without starving..
I would not be this old with out knowing what debt is..
There are ways to be in debt. .and use the system to be able to live without bankruptcy. .just live..pay your bills.. and make time to enjoy life..the way you like.. yes..most of us have to work.. which gives us something to do..8 or 12 hours a day.

Yet.. here I am.. in the bar..drinking and snacking.. because the only thing waiting for me at home..is my empty bed..alarm clocks.. and getting up to go to work...

This time in my life was supposed to be family.. home..and my partner.. not work.. bills and an empty bed..with an extra pillow to cuddle with..
Or ..make sure you have a few drinks..so you can sleep..and do it all again...
Yet..here I am. Here I have been.

Only I can fix this..

I must.

R 9/29/17

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