Well here I am..searching for something to say.
I ache for conversation.. even non important just about anything.
But really miss being able to express myself and hear some other intelligent persons point of view.. thoughts and impressions.
I cannot seem to connect with anyone on that level .. I try..but usually it ends up in a struggle to remain ..
It may be me.. I just dont have much incommon with most people.
I know enough about many things to participate..but it is hard to find anyone that thinks on my terms.. I end up finding a common place that I can fake my way through..maybe steer the conversation around to something I can speak to.. or i just end up listening..and hope to learn something new.
I can make most any adjustment..to most any situation.. to fit in. To have something to do..or to seem engaged..but in the end..I am struggling to stay in the conversation.
Nothing clicks.. no one clicks..
It is probably just me..
Yes.. it's just me.. being .. lost.. feeling lost..
I can find reasons to spend time. Settle..so I don't feel so lonely..
But I am.. I crave a connection.. but nothing measures up..
And here I am.. trying not to be desperate.. but I know I am..and I am sure it shows.. it always has..
Some people think they see me as a confident.. macho.. guy..
But in reality..I am just a dweeb..geek.. techie..always have been.
For a short time it was the thing.. but has faded..
So..here I am.. just me..
No self confidence.. and of course..feeling alone..
I need to have a conversation with the inner me..as to why I cant commit to a life change..I have a few options.. and need to make one or the other happen
Maybe..I need to just get the inner me drunk..and sit him down..and settle on a decision..and do it.
R 9/27/17
I ache for conversation.. even non important just about anything.
But really miss being able to express myself and hear some other intelligent persons point of view.. thoughts and impressions.
I cannot seem to connect with anyone on that level .. I try..but usually it ends up in a struggle to remain ..
It may be me.. I just dont have much incommon with most people.
I know enough about many things to participate..but it is hard to find anyone that thinks on my terms.. I end up finding a common place that I can fake my way through..maybe steer the conversation around to something I can speak to.. or i just end up listening..and hope to learn something new.
I can make most any adjustment..to most any situation.. to fit in. To have something to do..or to seem engaged..but in the end..I am struggling to stay in the conversation.
Nothing clicks.. no one clicks..
It is probably just me..
Yes.. it's just me.. being .. lost.. feeling lost..
I can find reasons to spend time. Settle..so I don't feel so lonely..
But I am.. I crave a connection.. but nothing measures up..
And here I am.. trying not to be desperate.. but I know I am..and I am sure it shows.. it always has..
Some people think they see me as a confident.. macho.. guy..
But in reality..I am just a dweeb..geek.. techie..always have been.
For a short time it was the thing.. but has faded..
So..here I am.. just me..
No self confidence.. and of course..feeling alone..
I need to have a conversation with the inner me..as to why I cant commit to a life change..I have a few options.. and need to make one or the other happen
Maybe..I need to just get the inner me drunk..and sit him down..and settle on a decision..and do it.
R 9/27/17
posted from Bloggeroid
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