Here is another Friday.. the month has screamed by.. nothing notable personally.. getting tasks done a lil at a time at work.
Most days..many irons in the fire..just knocking them out each day.
The important things first..some things just because it's things I like to do...or because its different from the normal.
Lots of reports and research.. more management than ever..less tech.. so I do tech at home..
I have been taking time to watch sports.. something I have not done in a long time..it is different...being a fan.
I have wondered where all this free time has come from.. I am not used to it.. I get off work..go home and cook dinner..do dishes.. watch a lil tv..maybe fix some radios..and end up here..drinking beer...completing the tours.. to finish a number..
I am just filling the time.
I used to work late..second job.. eat drink ..sleep and work..repeat..
Now..too much downtime. . It has been hard to accept.
But..I am doing it.
Always plenty to do.. just limited motivation.
I think I dont have good reason to follow through..I have plans..ideas..just not yet.. but like the days that turn int weeks and months.. it is not yet. No motivation.. I just am not worthy.
Yet..each day..each week.. I continue..
And just keep getting to the next day. Hoping to do what is expected of me..or more..much more..
Never just ..never half-assed..
I usually am an all or not type.. I can 'settle'.. just to not be aimless or alone.. but it begins to wear on my mind...because I am not what I want to be..or where mentally..
Funny.. I have always been a ... where will this take me..where will I end up.. when I was younger..it was.. who is this? Could I marry them?..
Now..it is will they accept me and my baggage..can I accept their baggage?.
Is this someone I would enjoy waking up next to?..for the next few years?
We are all damaged in some way.. we cope differently than anyone else..some of us see that and understand..
We have our own issues..and we cope..
Why would we not understand that others are doing the same..
Each person is different..has different situations .. but we must accept that..as much as we must accept our own..and hope others will too.
In the time I have spent walking on this planet.. I have learned..even if I have not experienced your specific problems..I can sympathize with what you are going through.. I will encourage you to share with me..so I can understand better .. I will help if I can..
It is all I ask of anyone..so why would I not provide that to anyone else..
I would definitely provide it to a friend. .. if you let me.
I am not amazing..I am human..I care.. I wish only to help.
It helps me as much as it does you..if you let me.
So.. another week.. nothing personal I can celebrate..
Just me.. doing the day to day.. looking for something. .someone. .
R 9/23/17
Most days..many irons in the fire..just knocking them out each day.
The important things first..some things just because it's things I like to do...or because its different from the normal.
Lots of reports and research.. more management than ever..less tech.. so I do tech at home..
I have been taking time to watch sports.. something I have not done in a long time..it is different...being a fan.
I have wondered where all this free time has come from.. I am not used to it.. I get off work..go home and cook dinner..do dishes.. watch a lil tv..maybe fix some radios..and end up here..drinking beer...completing the tours.. to finish a number..
I am just filling the time.
I used to work late..second job.. eat drink ..sleep and work..repeat..
Now..too much downtime. . It has been hard to accept.
But..I am doing it.
Always plenty to do.. just limited motivation.
I think I dont have good reason to follow through..I have plans..ideas..just not yet.. but like the days that turn int weeks and months.. it is not yet. No motivation.. I just am not worthy.
Yet..each day..each week.. I continue..
And just keep getting to the next day. Hoping to do what is expected of me..or more..much more..
Never just ..never half-assed..
I usually am an all or not type.. I can 'settle'.. just to not be aimless or alone.. but it begins to wear on my mind...because I am not what I want to be..or where mentally..
Funny.. I have always been a ... where will this take me..where will I end up.. when I was younger..it was.. who is this? Could I marry them?..
Now..it is will they accept me and my baggage..can I accept their baggage?.
Is this someone I would enjoy waking up next to?..for the next few years?
We are all damaged in some way.. we cope differently than anyone else..some of us see that and understand..
We have our own issues..and we cope..
Why would we not understand that others are doing the same..
Each person is different..has different situations .. but we must accept that..as much as we must accept our own..and hope others will too.
In the time I have spent walking on this planet.. I have learned..even if I have not experienced your specific problems..I can sympathize with what you are going through.. I will encourage you to share with me..so I can understand better .. I will help if I can..
It is all I ask of anyone..so why would I not provide that to anyone else..
I would definitely provide it to a friend. .. if you let me.
I am not amazing..I am human..I care.. I wish only to help.
It helps me as much as it does you..if you let me.
So.. another week.. nothing personal I can celebrate..
Just me.. doing the day to day.. looking for something. .someone. .
R 9/23/17
posted from Bloggeroid
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