It is late.. I just re read my last 2 posts..
Not really sure why..or what exactly.. but it brought a tear to my eye..
Touched me..struck a nerve..
Am I feeling sorry for myself?..my choices..?
Or just touched by the situation I have found myself in?
I did all of it.. no one else is responsible..
The explanations I get..are valid..the explanations I give are too..
The situation is what it is.. I feel no one is satisfied...
I am not.. less and less as time goes on..
I need to make changes.. fix it..
It is what I do.. I am faking..this ..now.. this minute in time..
I am trying.. but making do.. giving myself somewhere to be..
Finishing this beer..adding to the total.. reaching the milestone..for no other reason than to have a goal.
It is a marker In Time.
No other than to have something i can say I have been doing..
Because..nothing is happening. None of my plans are in my favor..not inquiring.. to see if it is possible to change my destination..situation..so here I am..still here. . Ticking those days..
I could push to see.. but too busy to expend the effort.. mainly because I 'm scared to be rejected.. or scared to have to change and find new options.. too old to have to start over.. but I can ..
If I must..
I think I need to..just to get away from this place I am 'not stuck in'.
Sometimes you just need someone to grab your hand an ..pull.
Hang on and pull .. keep you from sliding back..and help pull you forward.. to the new situation..
But often..it is all you.. you are on your own.. you have to climb out..by yourself..and figure out the direction you need to go..to end up where I need to be.
I miss what I have found.. but has slipped away..for many reasons..
But what I found..is not mine to have.. as much as I want .. I feel I have missed my opportunity. .
Blew a chance I was given..
The wrong time.. wrong place..
All timing. And location..
Ouch.
R 9/12/17
Not really sure why..or what exactly.. but it brought a tear to my eye..
Touched me..struck a nerve..
Am I feeling sorry for myself?..my choices..?
Or just touched by the situation I have found myself in?
I did all of it.. no one else is responsible..
The explanations I get..are valid..the explanations I give are too..
The situation is what it is.. I feel no one is satisfied...
I am not.. less and less as time goes on..
I need to make changes.. fix it..
It is what I do.. I am faking..this ..now.. this minute in time..
I am trying.. but making do.. giving myself somewhere to be..
Finishing this beer..adding to the total.. reaching the milestone..for no other reason than to have a goal.
It is a marker In Time.
No other than to have something i can say I have been doing..
Because..nothing is happening. None of my plans are in my favor..not inquiring.. to see if it is possible to change my destination..situation..so here I am..still here. . Ticking those days..
I could push to see.. but too busy to expend the effort.. mainly because I 'm scared to be rejected.. or scared to have to change and find new options.. too old to have to start over.. but I can ..
If I must..
I think I need to..just to get away from this place I am 'not stuck in'.
Sometimes you just need someone to grab your hand an ..pull.
Hang on and pull .. keep you from sliding back..and help pull you forward.. to the new situation..
But often..it is all you.. you are on your own.. you have to climb out..by yourself..and figure out the direction you need to go..to end up where I need to be.
I miss what I have found.. but has slipped away..for many reasons..
But what I found..is not mine to have.. as much as I want .. I feel I have missed my opportunity. .
Blew a chance I was given..
The wrong time.. wrong place..
All timing. And location..
Ouch.
R 9/12/17
posted from Bloggeroid
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