I did get out for a drive. A chance to see the scenery..get up in the mountains in the cool fresh air. I got to spend time with the young adult.. a pre-trip drive..
I did yard work.. radio work.. got called in to work.. and it ended ..with beginning the work week with a 6 am wake up call for some BS issue that could wait till 8 am.. which came too quick..and I was grumpy and tired.. till about 9..when I finally was able to get coffee...
Eventually..it evened out..and I was able to function without snapping at everyone.. tomorrow is meetings and scheduling. .
Work..work.. work..
That is what they pay me for..
I got to get through this week and 3 days next week.. then road trip with L.. some destressing..
I miss my friends.. I miss having friends..
The ones that dont live anywhere near where I am.not just physically..but mentally. . It is hard to find anyone..in my same mental state..I relate to so much..my issues parallel others..on a sublevel.. not the same..no where close..but.. the feeling has similarities. .
I would never presume. .to know real loss..
But I feel their pain..I hope I help. .
I do care..
Maybe too much..
I understand loss..
I know the many different levels.. not something I am proud of..but
Sometimes we need to know we are not alone.
If only.. on aa personal level..an anchor..or a lighthouse. .
Just something to keep us from crashing on the rocks..
A hand..to pull you up.
A hug to prove you are alive...and someone cares..
Never a question.. but we all need reminders..
Yes..you are beautiful..yes ..someone could love you..
Yes.. you deserve it.. yes.. someone loves all of you!
There is lots of kinds of love..
The ones that matters.. are elusive. We seek them out.. ignoring the others..because we think they are not the same. .. they are related..
It is a feeling. .. one we cannot escape..once we see it.. we don't want to. .see it.. because it can validate our future..one we are scared of..one we never hope to have..but secretly wish for..
A love we are worthy of..without knowing. Or making known.
I won't say it was never meant to be.. but..if it is..it has to be embraced. .
As it is written.. 'Love never fails'.
Truth.
Yet... here I am..loving unconditional. ....
Once I find it.. I refuse to let it go.
Because it is so precious. .so hard to find..the effort is always worth it... we usually do not let ourselves enjoy it. . But it is deserved.
We just have to see it.. let ourselves see it..feel it..
It is real.
Only to be realized. Or accepted.
R 7/25/17
posted from Bloggeroid
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