If someone wakes me 5 minutes before my alarm.. my day is basically ruined..
For the past 2 days.. I have been called..by work.. at 6 am. Requiring me to get up and rush to work.. my alarm is set to 6:35am.. and I am scheduled to be at work at 8 am.
So.. these past 2 days..have been difficult.
But I am making it through.. I havent yelled at anyone specific...
Yet...
But I realize.. I need sleep to stay sane.. so I will work on that.
Right!
So.. here I am.. as always.. just logging on the tour.. I think im halfway to my 25..
I know..most wont get it..but..it is an acomplishment..
It does keep me busy..
I am.. doing what I need to.. not necessarily what I want to be doing.
I know..what I should be doing..I know I have..I know what I want..I know what I am allowed.
Most of those things are opposites..and in very different directions..and results.
I am happy for the little things I have experienced..when I let myself. .find a thing..a feeling that I thought I needed to avoid..not press..but it flowed and was good..up to a point.. sorry... but it did feel right and real.. it was needed..and welcomed.. and so fantastic. . It renewed my faith In a future thought.. many things need to fall into place..and I would feel comfortable. . And happy..and be able to allow another to be comfortable and happy..
It is allowed.. sanctioned if you will..
I have hopes it will come back around.. and be good.
I am scared..I do not want to push..
I do not want to expect too much..
I don't want to ruin it..
As I always do..
But... it feels right..it has from the beginning..
I respect it. And understand .. as I have said... many times and many ways..
The past few .. has not changed.. anything... for me.. I deny myself..out of respect. . But it has not changed.. I am me.
I will always be 'the me' I allow you to see.. the one no one sees..
Its there..but you have to matter to find it..
You matter!
Said.
I can not hide it from those that have taken the time to know me..
Those are the ones I respect the most..
No one ever saw me..most expected something.. but got what they asked for....the ones..that saw me..heard me.. they found the me most dont..
The friend..the confidant..the 'nice' guy.. but never me..almost never.. the few that looked.. got way more than they thought was possible..
Hey!!. I am me.
I guess I always will be..
You have to 'see' me or look for me.
Just ask!
I hide In plain sight... which is why most cannot see me...
Yes..I love you. You know it.. I cant say it anymore.. I think it scared you..
I don't want to frighten you..
After all this time... you know who I am..
I am me..little lonely ole me..
Hug me..feel my hug..
Know me.. feel my love..
I am me..
R 7/26/17.
posted from Bloggeroid
No comments:
Post a Comment