June

Ok..I don't know how..but I made it to June.
Been busy. I have been trying to impress..
The projects are moving forward...and I am getting them done.
I have an early morning ..I need to be up and out for a. 8:30 meeting and hour from home.. then I need to be back to work for the 1:00 status call.. it's Friday..
I have plans to start the weekend..
Hopefully people will respect the phone and text and keep it to a minimum.

I see what I post..
I wonder if I am wasting my time trying to look happy.
I have waited for the opportunity. .and attempted to show my position..
I feel that I failed.
Making the best..
I have been asked questions I cannot answer.. the truth is the truth.
I can make any situation work.. I cannot lie.. just don't press me for more than I give. I can smile..and make a viable answer..
But deep down..
I am punishing myself for not meeting the expectation..
It was perfect.
I understood.
I clicked.
I was happy making you happy..
Win win.

Yet ... it ends.
Puzzled..
Still puzzled..

Another thing I will never understand, the answer I received ..from the question..
I feel a repeat of a past event.
But from two related but totally different people.
Similar but very different ..love them both.
I will never not.
The burn still hurts as bad as the first time.
But the love is there and it lessens the burn. Heals.
But I fear being forgotten..
I fear being pushed away for a reason I do not know.
I fear being replaced..

No.
No pressure.. not looking for obligation.
I need explanation.. .
What I thought was the issue.. has been resolved.
So.. where does that leave me..
Lost.
Lonely.

So..what is the ..real..

I may never know.

Bummer.. cause that is my enemy..not knowing.

So.. here I am.. wondering.. as always.

Not hurt..just confused..

R 6/2/17

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