Yes.. I do.
Yes ..I can..
Only because I feel I have to.
I must put on that happy face.. show I am ok..to all.
Yes..you will be happy for me.. and won't feel guilty.
No.. it isn't exactly what it appears.
Work is a real excuse..being lonely is the other.
No one wants to be there.
Even if we have been living there for so long.
So..for appearance. .you settle.
Yeah..I know how to ring the bell.. but fantasy is what needs to work for me.. and it is work.. it took weeks to be allowed .. and then it was a mental visual..that allowed release.. then more work..to keep up.
Just not so hot and heavy.. I hope it isn't me getting old..
But no real physical attraction..
But.. not really getting any other..not looking. .not finding..
In all honesty.. I am just one in a line of many..
Not hidden .. but.. mr. Right now..
It's fun meeting the pasts..
But..really..
It gets hard to hide..and the gloss over explains.. I see past..and get it...
I will eventually be one of the many.
But..I don't make the grade anywhere else..
So... I should just see how far it goes..
The walls are up.. the mental novacaine is here..
Not to mention the beer..
Not where I need to be..but where I am.
I don't fit.
I do not count.
I put my best out there.. just to be confused...
I am perfect..but ..not
Now.. I am just old.
Not useful to anyone
Just old.
I am burying my friends.
I just wonder.. who is next?
Yet..I still feel alone.
Settling..
And yet lonely.
Yes... the sex is amazing.. but no real connection..
Smiles.. but no glow..
Ok. TMI.
But that Is what this is..
Me
So I have planned a weekend, for Ron.. I will go home.. and come back. Pay my respects..visit a lil.
I have crossed those burning bridges.. only to have burnt shoes.
Not much else.
A scar on my heart.
Next to all the rest.
Like I said... I am old..lots of scar tissue..
I will get over it..but never forget.
It will all always hurt.
As all the rest do.
Yippie.
I have to go..sleep is in my future..
Hey.. you..
This is me..
You should know already.
R
Yes ..I can..
Only because I feel I have to.
I must put on that happy face.. show I am ok..to all.
Yes..you will be happy for me.. and won't feel guilty.
No.. it isn't exactly what it appears.
Work is a real excuse..being lonely is the other.
No one wants to be there.
Even if we have been living there for so long.
So..for appearance. .you settle.
Yeah..I know how to ring the bell.. but fantasy is what needs to work for me.. and it is work.. it took weeks to be allowed .. and then it was a mental visual..that allowed release.. then more work..to keep up.
Just not so hot and heavy.. I hope it isn't me getting old..
But no real physical attraction..
But.. not really getting any other..not looking. .not finding..
In all honesty.. I am just one in a line of many..
Not hidden .. but.. mr. Right now..
It's fun meeting the pasts..
But..really..
It gets hard to hide..and the gloss over explains.. I see past..and get it...
I will eventually be one of the many.
But..I don't make the grade anywhere else..
So... I should just see how far it goes..
The walls are up.. the mental novacaine is here..
Not to mention the beer..
Not where I need to be..but where I am.
I don't fit.
I do not count.
I put my best out there.. just to be confused...
I am perfect..but ..not
Now.. I am just old.
Not useful to anyone
Just old.
I am burying my friends.
I just wonder.. who is next?
Yet..I still feel alone.
Settling..
And yet lonely.
Yes... the sex is amazing.. but no real connection..
Smiles.. but no glow..
Ok. TMI.
But that Is what this is..
Me
So I have planned a weekend, for Ron.. I will go home.. and come back. Pay my respects..visit a lil.
I have crossed those burning bridges.. only to have burnt shoes.
Not much else.
A scar on my heart.
Next to all the rest.
Like I said... I am old..lots of scar tissue..
I will get over it..but never forget.
It will all always hurt.
As all the rest do.
Yippie.
I have to go..sleep is in my future..
Hey.. you..
This is me..
You should know already.
R
posted from Bloggeroid
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