Has this been this way forever..over the ages?
Have we all just been paddling against the current.
Hoping to succeed?
Why are so many people I know so lost?
I always thought the teenage angst.. was a passing thing.
Once we found our foothold in life the universe and everything...
We would find peace. Find those that we belonged with.. worked on the rest of the important things in life.
The more people I meet in this life.. the more broken..damaged people I find. Many worse than others.
I used to look for the damaged and 'fix' them..and let them go..
Anyone can be loved. Anyone can allow love in their life.
We just forget. We find that life has handed us rotten lemons..and find we can't make lemonade.. so we trudge on down that path.. figuring that is life.
I have met so many that are stuck here. In this place. Despair.
But no longer despair... resolve. They figure there is no hope..
And resign to it..build walls to keep pain out. Walling them away..from rescue. They think they are setting standards to prevent the wrong ones in ..to save them from further damage. But they end up setting the standard so high..no one will qualify. No one.
Then they voice their dissapointment that no one cares.
Or voice that they are content in their loneliness.
As time goes on..they find a perfect image of what they think they need..and no one will ever rise to. Unrealistic. No one can be that perfect.
Yes..you have been hurt. The scars are there..but so have we all.
When I was young and innocent..I could sway them.. show them what dedication..honesty and friendship could do to re-image their perception.. they would fall.. briefly.. and gain self worth.. rising above..and leaving me behind.. I was the handyman .
It worked for me.. I was generally happy. I could help someone. Be happy and let them go.
In the recent years..I don't want to put all that effort into a catch and release.. the detachment is difficult. I cannot guard my heart.. I had done that for so long. I didn't expect anyone to stay. But you get old. You don't want to end up alone.
But that is where you are.
Now all I see are the older broken ones..the ones that have been burned so many times they have given in.
Anyone close to my age either have a high bar..or none at all.
Or they have resigned themselves to mr right now..and have placed themselves so far from reality that they appear crazy..act it. Or are so self medicated it isnt worth the time. By that I mean..doctor perscribed and personally. It's the excuse.. ' I'm broken' so I need to be drunk or stoned all the time.
Even when they let me in.. they would rather be in an altered state when I am arround..
After a while..I begin to wonder if they 'need' to be altered to be with me.. not good for my ego...
So I move away.
If you dont want to be with me.. I get that.
Yes...I am broken too.
Of course I know I have always been broken.
I deal with it. I do not shut people out.
At least not on purpose..
Yes... I do it. I know I do.
Usually its the second guessing that gets me. The over rationalizing..
I will step back. . And usually lose my place. And when I realize it..just turn and walk away..
Regreting it..probably forever.
Hell, I regret losing even those that were not good for me..
Once I am attached..I'm regretting the things I didnt do..forever..
That list is much longer than it should be.
Always hopeful.
Almost never successful. Not for the long haul.
Just one of the broken.
I have looked online..
My perception scares me..
I feel I am a simple man.
Yes, I am old.
But, really..the women in my age range..are looking for a rich playboy. Not just a few.. most.. they are looking for someone to replace the guy that they left for whatever reason. . And are expecting diamonds and jewels and foreign vacations..weekends in vegas.. cabo..Europe. .etc.
Hey..guess what.. not me at all.
I cannot even think..
Broken.
Of course..after all this time.. I should have a big house a fat bank account. .summer homes..lavish vacations.. literally money falling out of my pockets.
Not me..I'm broken..
Ha! It dont work for me.
Go figure.
I really need someone that wants to be fixed.. and wants to help fix me. It has to be mutual.
One sided does not work.
I have years of experience on this. .
Help me..help you..and me.
That is it.
We are all broken.
We just need to find the right person..with the glue.
I think I know what I need to look for..
Someone with the glue.
Are you there??
Lots of broken things here..
Glue will help.
:)
R 2/10/17
Have we all just been paddling against the current.
Hoping to succeed?
Why are so many people I know so lost?
I always thought the teenage angst.. was a passing thing.
Once we found our foothold in life the universe and everything...
We would find peace. Find those that we belonged with.. worked on the rest of the important things in life.
The more people I meet in this life.. the more broken..damaged people I find. Many worse than others.
I used to look for the damaged and 'fix' them..and let them go..
Anyone can be loved. Anyone can allow love in their life.
We just forget. We find that life has handed us rotten lemons..and find we can't make lemonade.. so we trudge on down that path.. figuring that is life.
I have met so many that are stuck here. In this place. Despair.
But no longer despair... resolve. They figure there is no hope..
And resign to it..build walls to keep pain out. Walling them away..from rescue. They think they are setting standards to prevent the wrong ones in ..to save them from further damage. But they end up setting the standard so high..no one will qualify. No one.
Then they voice their dissapointment that no one cares.
Or voice that they are content in their loneliness.
As time goes on..they find a perfect image of what they think they need..and no one will ever rise to. Unrealistic. No one can be that perfect.
Yes..you have been hurt. The scars are there..but so have we all.
When I was young and innocent..I could sway them.. show them what dedication..honesty and friendship could do to re-image their perception.. they would fall.. briefly.. and gain self worth.. rising above..and leaving me behind.. I was the handyman .
It worked for me.. I was generally happy. I could help someone. Be happy and let them go.
In the recent years..I don't want to put all that effort into a catch and release.. the detachment is difficult. I cannot guard my heart.. I had done that for so long. I didn't expect anyone to stay. But you get old. You don't want to end up alone.
But that is where you are.
Now all I see are the older broken ones..the ones that have been burned so many times they have given in.
Anyone close to my age either have a high bar..or none at all.
Or they have resigned themselves to mr right now..and have placed themselves so far from reality that they appear crazy..act it. Or are so self medicated it isnt worth the time. By that I mean..doctor perscribed and personally. It's the excuse.. ' I'm broken' so I need to be drunk or stoned all the time.
Even when they let me in.. they would rather be in an altered state when I am arround..
After a while..I begin to wonder if they 'need' to be altered to be with me.. not good for my ego...
So I move away.
If you dont want to be with me.. I get that.
Yes...I am broken too.
Of course I know I have always been broken.
I deal with it. I do not shut people out.
At least not on purpose..
Yes... I do it. I know I do.
Usually its the second guessing that gets me. The over rationalizing..
I will step back. . And usually lose my place. And when I realize it..just turn and walk away..
Regreting it..probably forever.
Hell, I regret losing even those that were not good for me..
Once I am attached..I'm regretting the things I didnt do..forever..
That list is much longer than it should be.
Always hopeful.
Almost never successful. Not for the long haul.
Just one of the broken.
I have looked online..
My perception scares me..
I feel I am a simple man.
Yes, I am old.
But, really..the women in my age range..are looking for a rich playboy. Not just a few.. most.. they are looking for someone to replace the guy that they left for whatever reason. . And are expecting diamonds and jewels and foreign vacations..weekends in vegas.. cabo..Europe. .etc.
Hey..guess what.. not me at all.
I cannot even think..
Broken.
Of course..after all this time.. I should have a big house a fat bank account. .summer homes..lavish vacations.. literally money falling out of my pockets.
Not me..I'm broken..
Ha! It dont work for me.
Go figure.
I really need someone that wants to be fixed.. and wants to help fix me. It has to be mutual.
One sided does not work.
I have years of experience on this. .
Help me..help you..and me.
That is it.
We are all broken.
We just need to find the right person..with the glue.
I think I know what I need to look for..
Someone with the glue.
Are you there??
Lots of broken things here..
Glue will help.
:)
R 2/10/17
posted from Bloggeroid
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