Hey! Welcome to the middle of February.
I as always have decisions to make.
Tasks to accomplish. Plans to make ..or at least think about ..
Just stay busy..you wont notice all the screaming in your head.
Yes, the screaming is me.
Frustrations. Indecision. Failures. Just being lost.
No direction.. nothing to strive for..no real purpose.
No one to allow me to be the real me.
I am going through the motions, trying not to look unhappy.
Really trying to find some satisfaction doing my day to day.
I really do not have anyone to do for. Other than trying to push my young adult.. it is just me. She does not resist. Just don't seem to appreciate it.
I just don't have it in me to..not provide. It is my job..it has been my job for so long..I have to..until I am told not to continue.
In the current state of things..not gonna happen.
I think she has given up..without even starting.
Mostly my fault.
Really hard to undo.I have no help.
I have thought of some ways to make changes..
But I know if she had to do for just her..she would.
She has..she knows how and will.
It all comes back to me..still doing everything.
She lets me.
I need to just go somewhere. .and leave her to her own.
She will survive. I will be better for it.
In all..I should be looking for the next MRS. Not pampering someone that should be doing for themself.
Yes.. I said 'the next MRS'
I have been doing this alone thing too long.
I knew long ago .. I am not a loner. I need someone..not a hoard of people..one.. one that needs me..one that appreciates being appreciated by me.
Someone I am as happy to see as they are happy to see me
Someone that connects with me on many levels.
There are many labels for this type of person..
But in reality..just one feeling.. complete.
Sometimes we are lucky to feel that way.
It can be permanent. .it can be fleeting..
It can be one sided..
When it all comes together. . It feels amazing.
So..here I am deep in the thick of not much..
Not where I should be.
Just where I am.
Join me..
We can make something great.
R2/15/16
I as always have decisions to make.
Tasks to accomplish. Plans to make ..or at least think about ..
Just stay busy..you wont notice all the screaming in your head.
Yes, the screaming is me.
Frustrations. Indecision. Failures. Just being lost.
No direction.. nothing to strive for..no real purpose.
No one to allow me to be the real me.
I am going through the motions, trying not to look unhappy.
Really trying to find some satisfaction doing my day to day.
I really do not have anyone to do for. Other than trying to push my young adult.. it is just me. She does not resist. Just don't seem to appreciate it.
I just don't have it in me to..not provide. It is my job..it has been my job for so long..I have to..until I am told not to continue.
In the current state of things..not gonna happen.
I think she has given up..without even starting.
Mostly my fault.
Really hard to undo.I have no help.
I have thought of some ways to make changes..
But I know if she had to do for just her..she would.
She has..she knows how and will.
It all comes back to me..still doing everything.
She lets me.
I need to just go somewhere. .and leave her to her own.
She will survive. I will be better for it.
In all..I should be looking for the next MRS. Not pampering someone that should be doing for themself.
Yes.. I said 'the next MRS'
I have been doing this alone thing too long.
I knew long ago .. I am not a loner. I need someone..not a hoard of people..one.. one that needs me..one that appreciates being appreciated by me.
Someone I am as happy to see as they are happy to see me
Someone that connects with me on many levels.
There are many labels for this type of person..
But in reality..just one feeling.. complete.
Sometimes we are lucky to feel that way.
It can be permanent. .it can be fleeting..
It can be one sided..
When it all comes together. . It feels amazing.
So..here I am deep in the thick of not much..
Not where I should be.
Just where I am.
Join me..
We can make something great.
R2/15/16
posted from Bloggeroid
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