Well. I got up when the first alarm went off. Got out of bed.. went downstairs. .came back up. Turned on the tv..got back into bed.
Passed out till my phone rang with the call from the HVAC company confirming today's appointment. Jumped up got dressed and off to work. Just on time.
The HVAC guy didnt show til 10.
I did get a nice text. Made me feel good to know I could share with a friend. Make their day..let them smile.
It was probably better that it happened after Valentine's day.
I wanted to make sure they did not forget.
You know..that someone cares. That they are never forgotten.
It brought a smile to my face. To know it mattered.
Which for both was what I wanted.
I will make it through tomorrow.
Pay some bills. Then probably stay home.
No plans.
We are having a warm spell..60+ in February. .
I should plan to do something outside.
Or just sleep.
You know. I am just where I have been.
The entire year gone. Nothing new. Nothing old.
Just working. I lost 2 weeks paid vacation. I have already lost 1 personal day. I have the money..but don't have the time.
I'm not having a good time.. just working. I have no one to come home to..no one to look forward to go out with..or meet.
Just work. Home. Alone. Yes..my young adult is home..but rarely interact. So just living alone. Being alone.
Yep. Story of me.
I really need to rethink this place I am in.
Its expensive and lonely..
Well it is not happening today..or right now.
I have looked through the last few posts..and it is how I have been..
As always.. all work..all that beat down soul. The perpetual lonely guy.. ( thanks Steve Martin). No I am not opening the window..or spending time on a bridge.. but I totally relate.
I was supposed to be established by this time.
Joke is on me.
I have no security.. no direction. No life outside of work.
I totally understand the lonely drunk guy..in the bar every night because he could not stand being home alone. It is better to be out among strangers alone than home.
Yes I have things to accomplish tomorrow. . I will get them done.
I am just empty.
The satisfaction I get from work..and other personal triumphs. .should not be all I have.
For so long it is all I have.
Yes, I have had a bright spot..a year of communication. .and sharing. No stress and much happiness.
I am thankful for that memory. For the ability to help and be helped.
I really cherish that time. It gave me time to really be me. Open up to someone who had the ability to hear.. and listen. A complete circle.
So here I am.
Sitting next to me.
Pondering many scenarios.. those that have been running through my head..those I have mentioned, those I have kept to me.
I am just here. I have no plan of action.
Many things are preventing the creation of a plan. Life..weather..responsibility. .dedication..
Indecision. And maybe just a little regret.
Mostly indecision. I just do not know where I fit.
Or what should be next.
I make too much money, to be this broke..and this lonely.
Somewhere I dug this whole. And here I am.
Moving far away from this place that was supposed to be home is what I need. I just cannot do it out of fear.. i am not young and talented.. any more.. im old.. grey.. and here.
I can perform to completion... if someone lets me.
But..no one will let me.
I do have skills. I can make things work.
It is what I do. What I know.
Figure it out..get it done.
Everyone is happy again.
What happened?
R 2/16/17
Passed out till my phone rang with the call from the HVAC company confirming today's appointment. Jumped up got dressed and off to work. Just on time.
The HVAC guy didnt show til 10.
I did get a nice text. Made me feel good to know I could share with a friend. Make their day..let them smile.
It was probably better that it happened after Valentine's day.
I wanted to make sure they did not forget.
You know..that someone cares. That they are never forgotten.
It brought a smile to my face. To know it mattered.
Which for both was what I wanted.
I will make it through tomorrow.
Pay some bills. Then probably stay home.
No plans.
We are having a warm spell..60+ in February. .
I should plan to do something outside.
Or just sleep.
You know. I am just where I have been.
The entire year gone. Nothing new. Nothing old.
Just working. I lost 2 weeks paid vacation. I have already lost 1 personal day. I have the money..but don't have the time.
I'm not having a good time.. just working. I have no one to come home to..no one to look forward to go out with..or meet.
Just work. Home. Alone. Yes..my young adult is home..but rarely interact. So just living alone. Being alone.
Yep. Story of me.
I really need to rethink this place I am in.
Its expensive and lonely..
Well it is not happening today..or right now.
I have looked through the last few posts..and it is how I have been..
As always.. all work..all that beat down soul. The perpetual lonely guy.. ( thanks Steve Martin). No I am not opening the window..or spending time on a bridge.. but I totally relate.
I was supposed to be established by this time.
Joke is on me.
I have no security.. no direction. No life outside of work.
I totally understand the lonely drunk guy..in the bar every night because he could not stand being home alone. It is better to be out among strangers alone than home.
Yes I have things to accomplish tomorrow. . I will get them done.
I am just empty.
The satisfaction I get from work..and other personal triumphs. .should not be all I have.
For so long it is all I have.
Yes, I have had a bright spot..a year of communication. .and sharing. No stress and much happiness.
I am thankful for that memory. For the ability to help and be helped.
I really cherish that time. It gave me time to really be me. Open up to someone who had the ability to hear.. and listen. A complete circle.
So here I am.
Sitting next to me.
Pondering many scenarios.. those that have been running through my head..those I have mentioned, those I have kept to me.
I am just here. I have no plan of action.
Many things are preventing the creation of a plan. Life..weather..responsibility. .dedication..
Indecision. And maybe just a little regret.
Mostly indecision. I just do not know where I fit.
Or what should be next.
I make too much money, to be this broke..and this lonely.
Somewhere I dug this whole. And here I am.
Moving far away from this place that was supposed to be home is what I need. I just cannot do it out of fear.. i am not young and talented.. any more.. im old.. grey.. and here.
I can perform to completion... if someone lets me.
But..no one will let me.
I do have skills. I can make things work.
It is what I do. What I know.
Figure it out..get it done.
Everyone is happy again.
What happened?
R 2/16/17
posted from Bloggeroid
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