Lunch date.. not!

Yup.
I had scheduled one..
Not. Something came up.
It was only to meet a friend, one that cares, to tell me what I am doing wrong. How I should be settling.. how I am the problem.
So I guess it's ok that she didn't have time for me to buy her lunch.
I was gonna listen. To see what I am missing..why it won't be settling.

As new year's eve approaches..
I expect to be invited to that party.. I am looking for alternatives.
One presented itself..one I inquired on. So far .. no takers.
I will probably go to bed early ..at home ..alone.

2016 needs a send off.
Go away and never come back.

Maybe a quiet non-celebrated new year is the way to go.

I should ask my friend..and apologize.
For being me.
Maybe I can get somethings straight. Explain the futility of it all.
I am not what the 'settling' needs and it would not benefit me in the future. Been there done that..tried extensively. .and hurt for it.
Not looking for a repeat.

January is fast approaching.
I should plan something.
Before I start working 20 hrs a day.

I just turned 111 thousand miles on my car. More than 13,000 since july. A thought.

I should refinance my home. Take some cash out..delete some bills.
Make it easier to move throught 2017.

Options.

If I am not focused on a girl..I can focus on fixing .. filling in this hole.. deleting the debt.

I have had none to focus on. I have been troubled by my mind..and it's preoccupations.. to no positive end.
Those friendships. Yes they are very important. But not moving beyond friend status. And limited as such.

Note: if I am chasing you.. don't get into a fast car and speed away...
I will run out of steam and give up.
If I am chasing you.. turn around and run toward me.. we may collide. .but we will both be happier.

Not that anyone will listen to that.

I need a change of scenery. A change of options.
Some thing new.

I tossed and turned for hours last night.
Mulling over many things. Worry's. Concerns.
My lunch conversation..which didn't happen.

I finally slept. Then shut off each alarm. Almost late for work.
Slow day. Finished another old project. Ordered some parts.
Rigged some circuits. Created some bills. Went by my friends and kept his cat company for an hour and a half.
Went home cleaned..cooked..cleaned..fixed some work.

Now..I'm here. Blogging.

Tomorrow is Thursday. Payday Friday.. bills will take all and I will need to be creative ..
My young adult has plans..so I figure I will be finishing leftovers. Then early bed. Maybe with a couple hours of reading.

Friday should be a short work day. On call but praying for a quiet weekend.

I just may inquire.
Make some plans that deviate.

Be unavailable.

Or just be quiet.

Hmmm

I am really sorry that your offspring cannot find any reason to see who I really am.

.

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