It is usually cold out this time of year.
Funny how we have added the temperature to a feeling.
You can feel cold.
You can get a cold feeling.
You can project a cold feeling.
Heat.. a similar subject. Also a description of a feeling beyond temperature.
I remember that kind of 'heat'.
Very fondly. I not only felt it, I generated it. :)
Seems like ages ago.
There are times I feel I am wasting time and good energy.
It is a shame to not share my energy.
It does me no good if I don't share it. If I don't make it known.
Unfortunately I never learned how to advertize it.. so I could share it with the willing, and deserving. The ones that would truly benefit and share that with me. Sometimes I get lucky and find someone who can appreciate what I can do for them..and for me.
Oh yes, I get as much and more in return.
But if it isn't shared.. it is meaningless. I get nothing if I cannot give it away. It won't serve me unless it is affecting someone else first.
It has to help someone. That is how it helps me.
That is how I benefit. The recoil.. the bounce back.. gives me something I cannot explain. It has to impact someone, truly make a difference before I get a return.
It is not intentional..it is not why I do it. It is how i can keep on.
Payment if you will. Acknowledgment. Justification. The power to be able to keep on.
Being the other way is too easy in this world. Being me is difficult.
But I can be no one else.
So I need the power that helping someone else gives me.
Without it .. I am lost.
Just that old guy. That lonely angry guy.
The one no one wants or needs to know.
I have a friend. Someone I know.
That everytime we meet. All I do is talk.
And listen. I think the friendship could be so much more..but I don't see it..so all I do is talk. I am sure if I was given a hint..I would miss it.
I try so hard not to be awkward..silent.. I am sure I have dampened the relationship. . To just talking friends.
Yet..
I am just me.
Weird. Awkward. Lonely.
Oblivious.
I have been thinking I need to find an out.
A reason to be somewhere else.
This work change may be the thing.
I need to pay attention.
Look for opportunities. Pray they don't 'let me go'.
Yes. I still worry about that. I always will.
Like all of my personal relationships.
I have to constantly worry. If I ever think I am 'good' ..got it made..
That usually means it was over long ago..and I will find out soon.
Clueless when I am happy.
So best to be not.
Which is why I am .. here.
Cold. Resisting.
Miserable.
Alone.
Cautious.
Change..
(I almost typed chance! )
Cold.
C old
R 12/12/16
Good luck.
We all need it.
Funny how we have added the temperature to a feeling.
You can feel cold.
You can get a cold feeling.
You can project a cold feeling.
Heat.. a similar subject. Also a description of a feeling beyond temperature.
I remember that kind of 'heat'.
Very fondly. I not only felt it, I generated it. :)
Seems like ages ago.
There are times I feel I am wasting time and good energy.
It is a shame to not share my energy.
It does me no good if I don't share it. If I don't make it known.
Unfortunately I never learned how to advertize it.. so I could share it with the willing, and deserving. The ones that would truly benefit and share that with me. Sometimes I get lucky and find someone who can appreciate what I can do for them..and for me.
Oh yes, I get as much and more in return.
But if it isn't shared.. it is meaningless. I get nothing if I cannot give it away. It won't serve me unless it is affecting someone else first.
It has to help someone. That is how it helps me.
That is how I benefit. The recoil.. the bounce back.. gives me something I cannot explain. It has to impact someone, truly make a difference before I get a return.
It is not intentional..it is not why I do it. It is how i can keep on.
Payment if you will. Acknowledgment. Justification. The power to be able to keep on.
Being the other way is too easy in this world. Being me is difficult.
But I can be no one else.
So I need the power that helping someone else gives me.
Without it .. I am lost.
Just that old guy. That lonely angry guy.
The one no one wants or needs to know.
I have a friend. Someone I know.
That everytime we meet. All I do is talk.
And listen. I think the friendship could be so much more..but I don't see it..so all I do is talk. I am sure if I was given a hint..I would miss it.
I try so hard not to be awkward..silent.. I am sure I have dampened the relationship. . To just talking friends.
Yet..
I am just me.
Weird. Awkward. Lonely.
Oblivious.
I have been thinking I need to find an out.
A reason to be somewhere else.
This work change may be the thing.
I need to pay attention.
Look for opportunities. Pray they don't 'let me go'.
Yes. I still worry about that. I always will.
Like all of my personal relationships.
I have to constantly worry. If I ever think I am 'good' ..got it made..
That usually means it was over long ago..and I will find out soon.
Clueless when I am happy.
So best to be not.
Which is why I am .. here.
Cold. Resisting.
Miserable.
Alone.
Cautious.
Change..
(I almost typed chance! )
Cold.
C old
R 12/12/16
Good luck.
We all need it.
posted from Bloggeroid
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