The beginning..

Here we go!
At the least..2 months of deadlines and commitment.
Two months of doing all I can to get the job done.
Today was the start. I did finish what I scheduled.. not without difficulty..not without diversion.. but .. did what I planned..
Next!
I hope to keep moving forward. . And I hope to accomplish this project..to the best of my ability.

Lets see if everything cooperates.

I am glad to have been able to get out of town before this started..I will be wishing..even more so.. that I never came back.
I will make the best of this situation..the things I have to do..and the methods I have learned..to cope..
Work.. home.. being me.. being here...

I met a guy who looked a lot like ISTBA...but..I think he was getting on a plane to a very distant destination.. he wasn't very talkative. I think he was incognito. . What ever I did to him..he was not telling.

So.. here I am.. just me at this time.. not too much different from last year..

It really is not a pleasant place. If you step back and look.. so I tend not to look ...
No..I am not miserable..but.. I could be happier..
At this moment..I am very stable..working..paying my bills.. trying to sleep.. and working..my agenda..is to make an impression on my new bosses.. and to find a place to be.
I am trying to find something for me to smile about daily..
Trying..
Also trying not to wear out my friends that allow me to be in their lives.. but..the time.. makes me.think I am .. pressing.. overstepping...
I do not want to be 'the nuisance'..the charity case..the person you owe..
I tend to find people that accept my weirdness.. but never understand why.

I am not getting any younger..but just as lonely...
Why is that??

Really!..I need to know..

Being here ..now.. it is not where I expected to be.. at this time in my life..

The ones I love..have loved.. won't let me love them..
Never a bad transition.. except when I examine it....
Always a friend.. but never .. my one.. I am just not good enough.
I don't meet the requirements. .
Or some outside thing prevents it..
And I am here..alone..

If I was a jerk.. or an asshole.. I would be fighing them off...

Nice guys..don't get the chance to finish at all.
Just pushed aside..

In the end.. I am still alone.

It kinda hurts.. the scar tissue..over time.. just itches.. and no longer hurts..if you do not think about it..

Yeah... I get it..such is life..

I guess.. I have to settle.. make it work.. or just.. be as I have..for so long.

Were...to next.. ???

R
5/8/17

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