Ok what next?

Here I am.
I have been busy with work.
I have to decide what to do.
A few things need to change.
Some need to get better.
Some just need an upgrade.
I should act on a few things.

I could .. should I ?

Choices I can make for myself and choices I wish I had.
Still not where I figured I would be at this point in my life.

Right now..my work is up.. I am ..in my opinion.. doing well.
I do my job.. I dont have many demands that I cannot complete.
There have been structure changes and I have adapted.
I think I have proved why I am doing this every day.
I dont dread going to work every day.
I am at the top of my food chain.. I cannot go up any further without changing location.. I have some respect and feel most believe I am doing all I can.
The annual raises and bonus make all the time it took to get here..worth it.
My home is finally worth more than I paid for it.. the market is good..I could cash out and make a bit if I sold it.
I have another year of a bill and I can refinance a new car.
Then pass the current one on to my young adult.
My project car..is on hold. The replacement engine was junk. So I need to find another.

I need to find someone to occupy my mind. .. my time..
I don't know.. I followed everyones advice..and stopped looking..
Well..... no one has fallen into my lap..hit me over the head or showed up on my doorstep.
I work with nothing but married women and youngsters.. the ones that won't look twice at anyone with any grey..let alone one peppered with it..
So..the only place I go everyday and see people is not useful for finding a companion. Bars are useless. Friends.. the one or two I have here do not know anyone.. forget online dont even know where to start..not going there.
The old friend pool has closed.. I either messed up or took too long.
New friends?? What are those?

Going somewhere new never works for me.. I am just not social enough to approach anyone.
Those that approach me.. history.. makes me scared. It never seems to work.

So.. I guess I just need to either hit the lottery or go hermit.
Or just work myself to death.. get a bunch of cats..

Life the universe and everything. .
All conspiring against my happiness.
As well as time and distance.

I have done what I can to fight each..
For a while it worked for me..

I think..I need to find the next.. and work to it.
I need to finish this project..and see if it helps me .
It should..depending on it's outcome.
100 markets.. places to go. .

Possibilities.

I am thinking..I have made mistakes..missed cues..
My internal gentleman..had prevented me from being forward or from taking advantage of a the situation..which in hind site probably would have been welcomed. But that has never been me.. and that is obvious.

I have always said.. I dont take hints.. it is not that I dont see them.. not always.. it is I dont know if I should because I dont know if it is imagined...wishful thinking on my part.. I would rather not act..than risk a friend..

Yet.. I am still alone.
I wonder why...?

Tomorrow is Saturday. I have an early, long day.
Tasks to complete.. people to impress..
Then if I end on time or at a decent hour..
Cape codder's are on the menu..

R5/19/17

posted from Bloggeroid