At least it seems that way.
Spinning my wheels. I have plenty to do..I am doing somethings...but not all I should be.. I need to be asking the right people the right guestions. I need to keep asking me what I am doing and why.. I am letting time tick away and drudging on.. trying to appear happy with what I am doing..and at the end of the day... not deriving satisfaction.. it is not a fail.. just not a win.
I am passing time the only way that is open to me.. I have tasks and chores I have set for myself..and I am finding excuses to not attempt to start them.
My ambition is weak. I have little or no outside help.. no one to encorage me.. I have been doing so much by myself for so long.. I stopped inviting outside input.
So..I am not receiving any at all.
As in the past..I have to fish for contact.. beg for conversation..
That is why I am sitting here now..alone in a room full of people..strangers.. by myself.
Nothing new but just too often.
Funny thing.. options.. I received a postcard in the mail today..
Stating i can make a phone call..and they will give me an offer to sell my home.. as is.. the offer is good for 30days.. and is cash.
Hmmm
There are few thing I need to persue.. I need to make a couple inquiries and check on some fees.. and figure out what a few things cost.. then maybe I should do a few searches.. make a call and have a candid chat..
I could make some changes.. I should..for me.
Maybe I can get out of this funk.
Find a place for me..one I can grow into..
I really don't know why I have given up on this situation.. it has some good things about it..but after all this time..and where I ended up.. I need the next thing .. the difference..the changes..
I need to get free of this rut..
Yes..I m feeling a bit trapped..and not sure how to start moving away from it.
So.. have another beer.. ponder..and go home and sleep.
Another day to get through alone..and unappreciated..
Maybe find something to do tomorrow night. . Maybe not.
Saturday I need to get my car serviced..which means a day up in the city. . Spending money.. hanging with my kiddo..
That will be the highlight of my week.
After that.. I need to reign in my spending.. I lasted 8 months.. not thinking about it..but it will start getting tight after this..
I have vacation to plan.. and use before the holiday season..
And I need to get my head straight.. make a few decisions..and follow through. It's just me.. I must step up and start getting these things done..
For me.
A concept I have trouble with..
I need to find a reason to smile..every day. . Not a forced smile..an uncontrolled smile. .one I cant help.. or stop..
It is there.. somewhere.
R 8/25/17
Spinning my wheels. I have plenty to do..I am doing somethings...but not all I should be.. I need to be asking the right people the right guestions. I need to keep asking me what I am doing and why.. I am letting time tick away and drudging on.. trying to appear happy with what I am doing..and at the end of the day... not deriving satisfaction.. it is not a fail.. just not a win.
I am passing time the only way that is open to me.. I have tasks and chores I have set for myself..and I am finding excuses to not attempt to start them.
My ambition is weak. I have little or no outside help.. no one to encorage me.. I have been doing so much by myself for so long.. I stopped inviting outside input.
So..I am not receiving any at all.
As in the past..I have to fish for contact.. beg for conversation..
That is why I am sitting here now..alone in a room full of people..strangers.. by myself.
Nothing new but just too often.
Funny thing.. options.. I received a postcard in the mail today..
Stating i can make a phone call..and they will give me an offer to sell my home.. as is.. the offer is good for 30days.. and is cash.
Hmmm
There are few thing I need to persue.. I need to make a couple inquiries and check on some fees.. and figure out what a few things cost.. then maybe I should do a few searches.. make a call and have a candid chat..
I could make some changes.. I should..for me.
Maybe I can get out of this funk.
Find a place for me..one I can grow into..
I really don't know why I have given up on this situation.. it has some good things about it..but after all this time..and where I ended up.. I need the next thing .. the difference..the changes..
I need to get free of this rut..
Yes..I m feeling a bit trapped..and not sure how to start moving away from it.
So.. have another beer.. ponder..and go home and sleep.
Another day to get through alone..and unappreciated..
Maybe find something to do tomorrow night. . Maybe not.
Saturday I need to get my car serviced..which means a day up in the city. . Spending money.. hanging with my kiddo..
That will be the highlight of my week.
After that.. I need to reign in my spending.. I lasted 8 months.. not thinking about it..but it will start getting tight after this..
I have vacation to plan.. and use before the holiday season..
And I need to get my head straight.. make a few decisions..and follow through. It's just me.. I must step up and start getting these things done..
For me.
A concept I have trouble with..
I need to find a reason to smile..every day. . Not a forced smile..an uncontrolled smile. .one I cant help.. or stop..
It is there.. somewhere.
R 8/25/17
posted from Bloggeroid
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