I am trying to not be a pain in the ass.
I am trying to respect the fact that you or I dont want to pull away..I dont want to lose what we have. But out of respect I have seriously been trying to limit my contact.
You asked me to..so I am seriously trying.
It is not easy..
I am sure at some point you will think I have lost interest ...
Of course .. that fear Is in my head..and I fight it down.. and then lose the battle and text or send a smile..or comment or share one of your posts..just to let you know I am still here..
I fear being forgotten..or that you think I dont care anymore..
It is a real possibility..
It sucks to be in that frame of mind ..because I feel I am appearing desperate..creepy.. a loser... it is a feeling I know.. I know too well..
(This is a post I should delete)
My self doubt is very real..and past history has not made it any easier..
I am who I am..
I know me..most do not.
I cannot express how difficult this is.
I cannot walk away..
But I know I must give space..
You cannot know how many times I have canceled plane reservations..or un-justified a few days road trip..just for a long hug and a goodbye..till next time.. more than a few..
I know it would be wrong.
Sorry for the pressure..it is in my head..and I fear ..
It isnt known..
Too insecure.. doubt creeps in.. and then life..
I guess I should stop..I don't want you to feel bad.. it is just me being me.
R 3/1/16
posted from Bloggeroid
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