end of the week..

So I sent a text yesterday and one this morning.

Got good responses..I am sorry I can't make better suggestions.

I hope she understands..

I think I know what she wants, but am only guessing if what I suggest will help .

..

The distance and limited contact is tough. I never know if it's ok to chat.

I should ask to call.. it would be nice to hear her voice .. 

I really want to make this work...

We can figure this out..

We are 2 very intelligent humans and can lighten our bonds and let the other in.. and allow the happiness that can come with a good relationship..friendship..we click..I think..and could be very comfortable together..

I know years of training ourselves to be self reliant. we need be open to allow happy in our lives. 

It is against all we have conditioned ourselves from.. to prevent hurt and disappointment.. a guard we put up .

...but..maybe if we allow it ..one more time...we can be happy.. 

If not..if I don't make the cut..

Sorry...really so sorry.. I want it too..and it has been so long...I may not know how ..I am not as I once was.. I'm old.. and lonely..and have put up the guards to keep me sane..to add a beautiful soul..some thing I have been searching for..I need to allow you in..just as you need to let me in.. please ..

I want to pass the tests..I want you to be comfortable..lower your guard.. so I can lower mine..so we can be real.. 

I have always been the type to over analyze..and convince myself..that I am wrong. 

Lost..

Inadequate..

Really forgettable...

Just a passing toy ... 

Generally..just wrong.

I spent 20 years in a dead relationship for many different reasons.. mainly to not be wrong.

But . It was 20 years lost.. that I can't get back.. it wasn't wasted..but ..not to my future benefit..

Maybe I learned to be a better person..but now ..here I am

sad and trying to not be alone.

I did the minute relationships..

Which gave me what it was.. mostly regret... And hurt, And more loneliness..

And those I came to too late..

If only...way back when..

......

So..I want to see if this is a place I am wanted and I want to be . 

I think it can be.. yes.. everyone is skeptical..and I am.. not..I'm hopeful..

Be hopeful with me..

Let me in.. 

R