Yes.. I completed the online form...and submitted.
Done..out of my hands. Wait.. see if I get a call.
Had to modify the original available date..
Made other plans.. actually made plans. Signed and sealed.
Then I was invited.. go figure.
Im glad I made that step. Maybe I will be recruited.. so ill get to go somewhere..
Time to service the car.. time to get id's renewed..
Also time to clean out the garage.
Steps..
Hey.. im gonna start messaging old friends..
See who is still around.
Steps to change.
Hey..I miss seeing those that care.
I miss hugs and human touch. I miss the mental and physical and spiritual. I am out here on this island.. the one that no one wants to visit.
The place I am calling home is changed..and it has every
Where. But I need to find familiar.. or at least close to familiar..
I miss the ocean..and those I know near the ocean.
Mountains are great and all ..but with no one to share it with..it just another pile of rocks.
Yeah..a bit negative..but ... really.. nothing is special by yourself.
If you can't share it.. what is the point.
You get to a place..a point in your life.. where either you are sharing..teaching or done. Earlier you have that time where you are doing everything for others..and at some point..you realize you forgot to do for you..usually it is later in your life..it is not selfish..it self preservation for sanity. If you have not done anything for you..once everyone pushes you to the side..you are alone and have nothing. You don't know how to do anything for you.
And there you are.. lost and done know the steps to find where you put that happiness..
Let me step forward.
I need to. The forked road has forks on each branch.. choices depend on others.. but the step is mine.
I have started walking.. I am not standing still in the river.. I have started stepping with the flow.. lets see..if I am careful.. how far I get before falling. I may drift a bit down stream..but I will get back up .. and step some more..
I won't go where I am not wanted.. i may go where I am not invited..
Just to see if I am needed.
I know I need to be needed.
I like to be wanted..
I'd love to be loved.
So .. I made some steps.. and started some things..
You know the strange thing..
I have had no response..
Hey! Im not teasing.. respond.
I am taking the steps..
Walk with me..walk toward me..
We may just bump into each other...
I am taking slow measured steps..
I am determined to make positive decisions to help others and me.
No one else will.
Right now in this place and time I have nothing.
Not one major thing..
I am adrift.. so lost in work and lonelyness. . I have been looking for the..that should be THE reason to do the next thing.
I have never lived my life for me..it has always been for others..
That is what makes me happiest.
Most wont let me anymore. . They are looking for the why.. what is my motive..I can't just do..to make me happy..
So the steps I make..are checked..measured..
Yet..I am alone.
You know..if one person.. just one.. could take a moment.. and look
They would see me. The me that is there but no one sees.
Every now and then.. someone catches a glimpse..
If they realize it.. and they act.. momentary bliss happens. .
But never lasts. Because..the ..me.. they thought they saw.. although still me..it not what they or their friends or family could handle.
So they step away.. really not knowing why..then life steps in..and they just forget..they think they remember..but what they remember is tainted..skewed by the perception of others..If I was there.. closer..I would remind you and others..that it is real..their opinion matters..but is incorrect. Why..one can only guess.. but wrong..about me..
Think about it..
Would you be allowed to take a no questions asked gift..with no repayment..required.. from me?.. or would someone be questioning me and my motives.
Steps...I cannot make..or persuade someone..to ever accept me.
It has been the story of my life..acceptance is difficult.
In reality.. I have given up on acceptance.
It matters but it isnt a requirement.
I have made the steps toward conformity..failed but made the effort.
Yet..here I am.. strong..but broken.
Wondering what I should do next..
Time to step somewhere .. please..step with me ..if you dare..
Step..
Sometimes with most with out..
You would think..I would be used to being where I am.
I have skills. I am useful. And in the right place .. everyone could be happy and safe.
R 3/24/17
Done..out of my hands. Wait.. see if I get a call.
Had to modify the original available date..
Made other plans.. actually made plans. Signed and sealed.
Then I was invited.. go figure.
Im glad I made that step. Maybe I will be recruited.. so ill get to go somewhere..
Time to service the car.. time to get id's renewed..
Also time to clean out the garage.
Steps..
Hey.. im gonna start messaging old friends..
See who is still around.
Steps to change.
Hey..I miss seeing those that care.
I miss hugs and human touch. I miss the mental and physical and spiritual. I am out here on this island.. the one that no one wants to visit.
The place I am calling home is changed..and it has every
Where. But I need to find familiar.. or at least close to familiar..
I miss the ocean..and those I know near the ocean.
Mountains are great and all ..but with no one to share it with..it just another pile of rocks.
Yeah..a bit negative..but ... really.. nothing is special by yourself.
If you can't share it.. what is the point.
You get to a place..a point in your life.. where either you are sharing..teaching or done. Earlier you have that time where you are doing everything for others..and at some point..you realize you forgot to do for you..usually it is later in your life..it is not selfish..it self preservation for sanity. If you have not done anything for you..once everyone pushes you to the side..you are alone and have nothing. You don't know how to do anything for you.
And there you are.. lost and done know the steps to find where you put that happiness..
Let me step forward.
I need to. The forked road has forks on each branch.. choices depend on others.. but the step is mine.
I have started walking.. I am not standing still in the river.. I have started stepping with the flow.. lets see..if I am careful.. how far I get before falling. I may drift a bit down stream..but I will get back up .. and step some more..
I won't go where I am not wanted.. i may go where I am not invited..
Just to see if I am needed.
I know I need to be needed.
I like to be wanted..
I'd love to be loved.
So .. I made some steps.. and started some things..
You know the strange thing..
I have had no response..
Hey! Im not teasing.. respond.
I am taking the steps..
Walk with me..walk toward me..
We may just bump into each other...
I am taking slow measured steps..
I am determined to make positive decisions to help others and me.
No one else will.
Right now in this place and time I have nothing.
Not one major thing..
I am adrift.. so lost in work and lonelyness. . I have been looking for the..that should be THE reason to do the next thing.
I have never lived my life for me..it has always been for others..
That is what makes me happiest.
Most wont let me anymore. . They are looking for the why.. what is my motive..I can't just do..to make me happy..
So the steps I make..are checked..measured..
Yet..I am alone.
You know..if one person.. just one.. could take a moment.. and look
They would see me. The me that is there but no one sees.
Every now and then.. someone catches a glimpse..
If they realize it.. and they act.. momentary bliss happens. .
But never lasts. Because..the ..me.. they thought they saw.. although still me..it not what they or their friends or family could handle.
So they step away.. really not knowing why..then life steps in..and they just forget..they think they remember..but what they remember is tainted..skewed by the perception of others..If I was there.. closer..I would remind you and others..that it is real..their opinion matters..but is incorrect. Why..one can only guess.. but wrong..about me..
Think about it..
Would you be allowed to take a no questions asked gift..with no repayment..required.. from me?.. or would someone be questioning me and my motives.
Steps...I cannot make..or persuade someone..to ever accept me.
It has been the story of my life..acceptance is difficult.
In reality.. I have given up on acceptance.
It matters but it isnt a requirement.
I have made the steps toward conformity..failed but made the effort.
Yet..here I am.. strong..but broken.
Wondering what I should do next..
Time to step somewhere .. please..step with me ..if you dare..
Step..
Sometimes with most with out..
You would think..I would be used to being where I am.
I have skills. I am useful. And in the right place .. everyone could be happy and safe.
R 3/24/17
posted from Bloggeroid
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