No I did not forget.

No..I am not preoccupied. .

J.. you are here again. You want to see me..
I just don't know how much.
Oh ..I want to see you too. It has been a long summer.. and I have been here ..with the exception of my trip..but none the less by myself. It would be so easy to step back in..or let you step back in..

C.C. you are here also..you have been..but I kept getting the feeling you were holding me at arms length.. you didn't want me to get too attached.. I told you what I saw.. how I felt.. and there has been no connection. . I see you struggle..maybe not the right word.. decide maybe.. with learning more..taking the chance. . And backing away.
Yes, I saw your general invite....but not my thing..and I have a wedding..

Yes this is a result of 'the rule' .. really nothing more..
I am not this popular. . Never have been..except for the rule..

Yes, I do not like the indecision of the choices..
I have made the wrong decision a few times..
I have as much as told one..no because I was going on the other path.. and found out quickly the other path was a dead end..or lead to a cliff.
I know better than to back track to the fork and try to pickup where I was.. just to either find the bridge already burned or I am holding the torch to burn it down as I go.. certain disaster.

So .. once again.. here I am..just me wishing.

Got 1 got 3 (well not limited to 3)
Got none..there you are all alone.

And..in my present state of mind..
Nothing is gonna go my way.

Where the hell is ISTBA?
Why is he hiding?
Did he do something?
Is he the cause..did he do a 'rain' dance?
Probably.. Being the the karma cause..
Just to keep my life from being boring.

I have to get out of town.

The real shame of it all..
I could go outside of character. .and take advantage..
Yes..I do think of it..when I see it..but.. just not me.
I could..and I could be happy making you happy.. and it might work that way.. for a long time.. but in the end .. I would regret going to that point. . Just not me.

Montana.

Just going on record..for those that read this.. and really care enough to know...
If I drop off the face of the planet. .fall off connectivity..if that is even possible.. and no one knows where I went..
If you care.. I will have moved to Montana..
Hell.. I may be there now..and you would never know..if I found the internet.. I am sure it is there somewhere.

A dream.

Hey! If I am going to be alone.. why not in the middle of no where?

All that aside..
This month has been weird financially. . My ledger and checkbooks look like they are on track..not supposed to be happening.. I have made no changes..got no real extra money..but I seem to not be struggling..I know I am but right now..it dont appear that way..

That aside..

Time.. flows just like a river...to the sea.. to the sea.

I am not grinning.. and feeling alone. .and not really doing anything about it.

Someone..please..give me something to grin about.
Is that too much to ask?

Amazingly... so am running out of commentary. .
And I need to drink another beer..and go to bed.. it isnt Friday yet.

Good luck I & V.

'I just heard a quote... you know how the ugly girls have a great personality. .you are one of those but really pretty ..you are a Unicorn!'

I won't remember that..

R 10/13/16.. 11:27p

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