Not that in means anything.
Nothing special happened.
Actually the past few days have been stressful.
The weekend was odd..and not as good as it should have been...
Monday started with a winey person calling me at 6AM to ask me to come in to bitch me out..I said I would be in at 8..then he proceeded to text me for the next hour..knowing full well he was keeping me from sleeping.. he is so lucky I didnt come in..I would have fired him.
Then he proceeded to bitch all day to everyone else..stating he was being mistreated..passed over .. this continued to today.. but it expanded to him complaining about everything and everyone..
I am not sure where he stands.. he still has a job.. other than that.. I dont know.
I did find out ..I will be able to add to the department..and fix all the scheduling problems..well not all..I know I cant please everyone..
I just need people to show up.. preferably on time.. and do their job..
Really?? Is that too much to ask?
Well.. beyond that.. I was out..having drinks..and this friend decided he wanted to buy shots for everyone.. I said no.. I didnt want to..I am on call for work..I cant .. he insisted.. I said no.
He has done this before.. I had one drink already..
I finished it..and was playing pool.. the bartender got me another..
I wasnt watching her... when I tried it... it was not what I was drinking.. I figure he told her to add a shot to what I was drinking.. her thinking I agreed to let him buy me a shot.. I was pissed.. first at him and also at the bartender... I didnt drink it..I sat there the rest of the night.. fuming..till finally I paid and left.. I am sure the bartender didnt know..but next time I am there.. I will pull her aside..and let her know.. never to do that..ever.
I need to be able to trust the bartender..
He on the other hand..thinks its ok.. we will have some words.. I do not like being in a situation where some one can have something put in my drink with out my knowledge.. that is scary..
I know of people that it has happened to.. and bad things happen.
So I dont need.. more stress...
This is my new monetary float month.. it usually happens in February.. my in ..isnt equal to my out..I have no cushion.. I checked my account..and my checkbook is off.. less than I think I have.. I am officially back to month to month..and appear to be behind.. spending more than I have.. I need to fix a few things.. I have been told..no raises this year.. so.. I need to restructure the rest of my spending.. I am not late..not behind..just not comfortable..
Just slightly stressing about that..
So a bit..in my head.
Just me..no one I can turn to..not much different I can do.. keep plugging away..and hope I make it through the year.. 2 more months.. then..40 or so days to tax time.. maybe...I can survive..
I have before.. we will see.
Personally.. meh
I have people I can hang out with..but it ends up costing me..
I need to cut back on the excess spending..
Plan.. save.. figure it out..
I know..I will stress about all of this..I always do.. no one gets me..
Well..maybe one..
But not anyone else..
I just need to fix this..
It could be worse.. I have a home and a job.. I have something to get out of bed for everyday. Even if it is just to pay my bills.
I do not have anyone that I am trying to make happy.. not even myself.
I am just doing the day to day..looking for the things I can take personal satisfaction from.. and leaving it at that.
Not really much more I can do.
No glory or fame in that..but..I can sleep at night..most of the time..
Oh .. I hear the offers.. I know I cant just yet..but ohh so tempting to just pull up stakes.. liquidate..and start new.. home..
I know I could find happy. .
Don't stop.. I may need to hear it at the right moment..
I know I do.. just need that moment..
Things could be so different.
One can hope.
So.. here is November..creeping in..
The next 365 of me is approaching..
I have been in limbo..for the past few..
Looking..finding.. trying..
Like I have all my life..less the 20 I was as if blinded.. but..nothing has changed.. I am still as pathetic...and lonely as I was when I was 17..
Not anything I can do about it.. I have tried..
Time and again..
Always..the wrong place..wrong person..wrong time..
Always..
Sometimes it works for a little while..
Sometimes I think it did..even though it didnt.
Everyone else saw it.. but I didnt..or didnt want to...
I am sure I missed opportunity. .I didnt see and missed out..
Most of those.. are gone..passed me by..probably for the best..
Some maybe not..yet a missed opportunity. .never to be had again.
Yet here I am.. now.. in this place.. trying to find the next...place..person.. thing..and
Totally hopeful.. I have not given up.. why should I? ?
Im not sick..not dead.. I have much to do in this time I have left..
I know I can be happy..I know I can help make someone happy too.
I can fix this .. my life..
And tomorrow is a start of another month..
:)
R 10/31/16
posted from Bloggeroid
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