This is November.
So much meaning in this month.
The beginning is a lot to know.
The middle has much going on..
The end.. has much meaning....
I have been around for a lot of important events in November.
It has always been an awkward month for me.
I was born in this month..and I have said good bye to many in this month.
I have mentioned before.. I handle these things differently from most people I know..
I do not show what is in my head.. mind.. heart .. especially during this month.
Oh..I feel.. hurt.. burn.. much of the events of this month.
But..for me.. it is best not to express any of it.
I do not wish to offend.. remind.. or have to explain..
There is just so much.
I .. as always.. deal with all of it in my own way.
No..I am not cold and unfeeling..
I just do not want to loose control .. I do not want to be left to be a blubbering idiot..in a fetal position.. control
Keeps the walls from closing in..
Keeps my world from collapsing. .
Keeps me sane.. and knowing I can continue.. like everyone else has for years..
I know so many that have endured such pain and loss..
I have had it easy..compared to most.. who am I to complain?
I am thankful for what I know..for what I believe..for what I know.
Yes..that is a circle.. it helps me keep on.
It helps me be strong for those that need me..to be strong.
Me.. I am not strong..but I know who I can rely on.. who will help me..and what I can and should do.
Yes.. I am lonely.. basically alone.. something I can change.. something that will change..
Like all those years ago.. I am just on vacation.. waiting to go home.
I just need to find home..
I have been diverted... a few times..
I know decisions..have to be decided..
Plans should be in motion.. and could be.. I cannot wait for time to catchup with me.. I must force it to help me be .. where I need to be.. to put the smiles where they should be..
To find that permasmile..
And spread it..to those I love.
But.. I have to get through this month..and start the next..
I have all I know in my thoughts. . I hope them safety and love..health. .. and peace.
So.. here I am..
R 11/28/17
So much meaning in this month.
The beginning is a lot to know.
The middle has much going on..
The end.. has much meaning....
I have been around for a lot of important events in November.
It has always been an awkward month for me.
I was born in this month..and I have said good bye to many in this month.
I have mentioned before.. I handle these things differently from most people I know..
I do not show what is in my head.. mind.. heart .. especially during this month.
Oh..I feel.. hurt.. burn.. much of the events of this month.
But..for me.. it is best not to express any of it.
I do not wish to offend.. remind.. or have to explain..
There is just so much.
I .. as always.. deal with all of it in my own way.
No..I am not cold and unfeeling..
I just do not want to loose control .. I do not want to be left to be a blubbering idiot..in a fetal position.. control
Keeps the walls from closing in..
Keeps my world from collapsing. .
Keeps me sane.. and knowing I can continue.. like everyone else has for years..
I know so many that have endured such pain and loss..
I have had it easy..compared to most.. who am I to complain?
I am thankful for what I know..for what I believe..for what I know.
Yes..that is a circle.. it helps me keep on.
It helps me be strong for those that need me..to be strong.
Me.. I am not strong..but I know who I can rely on.. who will help me..and what I can and should do.
Yes.. I am lonely.. basically alone.. something I can change.. something that will change..
Like all those years ago.. I am just on vacation.. waiting to go home.
I just need to find home..
I have been diverted... a few times..
I know decisions..have to be decided..
Plans should be in motion.. and could be.. I cannot wait for time to catchup with me.. I must force it to help me be .. where I need to be.. to put the smiles where they should be..
To find that permasmile..
And spread it..to those I love.
But.. I have to get through this month..and start the next..
I have all I know in my thoughts. . I hope them safety and love..health. .. and peace.
So.. here I am..
R 11/28/17
posted from Bloggeroid
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