I did quite a bit today.. pulled cables and ran new ones..just to find I have the wrong size cable .. so I had to pull it out and ru. In new ones and reterminate the ends. Then after finishing that.. it appears I am missing some hardware to connect it to.. I have to make a phone call tomorrow. I may need to spend a few hours on Saturday..a few things I cant do till no one is there...
So all that has made for another long day.. 12+hrs.. home by 8:30.
Time to make dinner.. clean up..
Tomorrow I have some things to get started..and some to finish.
Being busy is good.. it makes the day go fast..especially if I am getting things done.
The past few days.. the cold..snow..warm and windy..mean..I have yardwork to do.. lots of leaves.. I should plan to get some of that cleaned up this weekend.. I need to clean my house.. I need to finish a couple radio repairs..
I need time.. and ambition.
Lots of ambition!!
Somewhere..in the back of my head..I know I need to find a place for me.. a place where I am focused on me.
I dont deserve any special consideration..but I think I need to ..for my sanity.. so I don't turn into that grumpy grey haired guy.. I wont say..old.. but I know it is said..
I have tried to find someone my age or older.. but.. no one fits.
I get along ..or can .. with anyone.. I can acclimate. . I know older and newer..I have preferences..but they are not requirements..
But being so flexible..is .. apparently.. undesired..one of my flaws.
I just don't connect well with my age .. I can settle in.. and find things in common.. but I have never been one to try so hard to be where I should not..
I have always connected with others either older or younger than me. I started school a couple years early..so I was always the youngest and smallest....I learned to connect with older kids..
I was raised in an informative environment. . I learned any thing I needed ..wanted..to know..it was encouraged.. and I devoured the information..I enjoyed learning..and knowing things..
Yet..
Here I am..at this time in my life.. in this situation.
This place.. were I find myself..
A....
L....
F.........
Hey! Look..a new acronym..
ALF.
If you have read any of my posts..you can figure it out..
A running theme..
My life.
Just me.
The me I know...
I guess..I should work.. on me..
There are many negatives. .to the person I am.
There must be..otherwise why am I here..in this place..where I have lived for so long...
By my self..
(Yes..that means..alone.)
.
Before i go down a depressing rant road..
.
I have been here for so long..
I wonder if I should go back..and settle..
I know I can make it work.. fake a smile.. and enjoy the benefits. ..
I would not have to do much.. I have done less for 20 yrs..blamed myself..countless times..I could learn to be satisfied with the physical. .. and forget about any mental connection. .
Just smile..
It is not much different than living a lie for 20 yrs..
It would be less self blame. If I knew in advance. ...
Maybe not.
I am still screwed. ...
I am..still me...
The me..nobody.wants...
At least..not all the time...
R
10/13/17
So all that has made for another long day.. 12+hrs.. home by 8:30.
Time to make dinner.. clean up..
Tomorrow I have some things to get started..and some to finish.
Being busy is good.. it makes the day go fast..especially if I am getting things done.
The past few days.. the cold..snow..warm and windy..mean..I have yardwork to do.. lots of leaves.. I should plan to get some of that cleaned up this weekend.. I need to clean my house.. I need to finish a couple radio repairs..
I need time.. and ambition.
Lots of ambition!!
Somewhere..in the back of my head..I know I need to find a place for me.. a place where I am focused on me.
I dont deserve any special consideration..but I think I need to ..for my sanity.. so I don't turn into that grumpy grey haired guy.. I wont say..old.. but I know it is said..
I have tried to find someone my age or older.. but.. no one fits.
I get along ..or can .. with anyone.. I can acclimate. . I know older and newer..I have preferences..but they are not requirements..
But being so flexible..is .. apparently.. undesired..one of my flaws.
I just don't connect well with my age .. I can settle in.. and find things in common.. but I have never been one to try so hard to be where I should not..
I have always connected with others either older or younger than me. I started school a couple years early..so I was always the youngest and smallest....I learned to connect with older kids..
I was raised in an informative environment. . I learned any thing I needed ..wanted..to know..it was encouraged.. and I devoured the information..I enjoyed learning..and knowing things..
Yet..
Here I am..at this time in my life.. in this situation.
This place.. were I find myself..
A....
L....
F.........
Hey! Look..a new acronym..
ALF.
If you have read any of my posts..you can figure it out..
A running theme..
My life.
Just me.
The me I know...
I guess..I should work.. on me..
There are many negatives. .to the person I am.
There must be..otherwise why am I here..in this place..where I have lived for so long...
By my self..
(Yes..that means..alone.)
.
Before i go down a depressing rant road..
.
I have been here for so long..
I wonder if I should go back..and settle..
I know I can make it work.. fake a smile.. and enjoy the benefits. ..
I would not have to do much.. I have done less for 20 yrs..blamed myself..countless times..I could learn to be satisfied with the physical. .. and forget about any mental connection. .
Just smile..
It is not much different than living a lie for 20 yrs..
It would be less self blame. If I knew in advance. ...
Maybe not.
I am still screwed. ...
I am..still me...
The me..nobody.wants...
At least..not all the time...
R
10/13/17
posted from Bloggeroid
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