Need

Yes. Another of the one word titles.
Need.
to need..
to want to be needed..
To need to be needed..
To need to be wanted..
To feel needed..
To want to feel needed..
To need to feel needed..
Need.

You can not have all these ..
You will be denied..
You cannot pick..
You get what is given.

Need.

Never should be confused with wants.

Wants are usually good to start..but..can take over..then you become selfish. That is never good.
No one likes selfish.

It isnt pretty or handsome.

I am a bit lost.
I had a false sense of belonging that I created., and see the reality of it. I was warned and reminded over and over.. and chose to ignore it.
My fault.
I repeat history.
And I cause my pain and confusion.
Too late and too soon.
Never on time never where I need to be.

Too old.. too familiar. To new..

For some reason.. I have been placed in the wrong time. Sometimes out of sync by decades...some by a few years..

I dont know why I made the choices I made in my life..
I dont know how different I would have been .. how happy or sad..
But I seem to pay for them all ..

Need.

Want.

Result.

Life.

I cannot blame or hold responsible anyone else for where I am right now.

It is me that made who i am now.
I have those bold moments..and the result is always the same..
Dweeb
I get that look..or a polite shutdown.
And I crawl back into my shell.
And regroup.

I connect with so few..
And always at the wrong time..wrong place.

No salvaging what was.
Only hope you dont mess it all up trying to fix what isnt.. and what wont be.

I need to persue the invitation and distract myself from my woes.
I handled that badly.. in expectation.. now crushed.. and probably made another 'un-friend'.. another mistake.

I have ..
I had.. and again..
But not where I what to be..
Alone is better..sane..

I guess its time.
Time for a new chapter.
A new direction.

Never painless..
Never easy.

I wont say the changes havent hurt.
They are not easy.. but apparently necessary.
For me as well.

My feelings will never change..as always.
Dont feel bad. I was guarded and warned and knew all along.
I just dont know how to proceed..
I guess I should..not proceed.
Not.

Not need ..

Not want..

Time to.. shift away.. or back to where I was.. before.

Damn.

Please remember I will always be there if you NEED me.
That will never change.

R2/19/16

posted from Bloggeroid