New version

The new phone has new versions of the apps and how they work.
The picture gallery won't let me move things around. The keyboard is touchy. The spell check works better. The phone was acting up for a few days. I think I may have fixed it... It was rebooting all the time.. I disabled some apps..and removed some  unneeded ones. It has been behaving since.
I had to change storage settings..so some apps and the camera would stop filling the Phone memory... It will take time... But a little bit here and more there.. Maybe it will be good.

Today was nice.. The next few are supposed to be warmer. No snow till the first day of winter. 
But the nights are still cold.
I am cold tonight.

I was looking at indeed tonight... A job site..
I found 3 potentials. I need to craft that résumé.
The possibilities are good.
And if the status quo holds true.. I am still under paid... And with the buffer I could go big or.. Make due plus...  Better than right now.

These three I found are not in my company.. But... Bigger fish.
Maybe.
I can hope.

Stepping over here...

I need to do a few things.. I am working on some.

It is all me. I know I have no help.
I have not asked for any.... So that would be why...
No judgements.
I am alone,.. I am used to that.
I know and don't expect anyone to know what I need...help .. Support.. Etc. Those that can..don't know.. The ones that see.. I don't expect to help.. Either because they cannot.. Or..I wouldn't ask.
I am a big boy..an adult .. I can figure it out.
I think... Cheerleaders are hit and miss...
Sometimes you want that pat on the back.. Good going... You are killing it..
Then.. Sometimes you need reality.. Good job.. But your not done.. Keep going... Don't give up.

If you are living this life.. You are never done.
You have to keep fighting.. It is never easy.
If you don't earn it....by fighting for it... You never see it's worth.
You take it for granted... And never appreciate it.
A recipe of failure.. For all .

As I ponder...
There have been very few in my life that have qualified for the real life.
Many have been hopes and expectations.. But always a settle.
Never what I needed..
What I wanted..

I knew what i needed.
I knew what I wanted.
They met... In between...

I settled.

You know.. I am not that young any more...
I have figured out what I want..need..
I have been searching all my life for the one that could keep me smiling.
I have seen it.. It exists..
Just.. So far..not for me.
I look.. Want..
But cannot find the common space...where we are together.

I have been told... I am a good guy...yet..
Not THE guy.

I understand..

Timing and persuasion.. Is needed to break away from the comfort zone..

Everyone has one..
It is that place.. We are comfortable being.. Uncomfortable...
The place we retreat to.. The one with the walls.

The wall's we built.. To protect us.
The same walls..that we hide behind..
It is a protection.. But from what,...life.. New beginnings?.

Do we need to be 'safe' where we are?
Unhappy..with no one that gets us?
Then we give up.. And withdraw.

We as humans need touch.. That feeling of connection.
All we miss.
The grip of a hug..the one.. You know.. Is a real hug.
The hug that echo's home.. Security.. Safety,...
The one that makes it all ....  Right.

We need this.

Prove me wrong
.. I dare anyone to try.

Hey!. I am not cold anymore

R 12/12/17