My phone is my enemy. It needs work..or a replacement.
I could and should.
It has been 8 months..and 8 months before ..
We had 8 months of constant contact..now 8 months of limited contact. I said a while ago I was only good for 3 or 4 weeks.
I guess in long distance terms that translates to 8 months.
No I don't understand the why or what's .. I just know.. time.. and distance.
The time increases and the distance is the same.
I am sure there is a computation that has meaning for this.
I will have to look for it..maybe it will shed some light.
Probably not.
ISTBA tells me .. I am not going to know unless you tell me.
I do hear him. He always is whispering in my ear..but sometimes he shouts.. most times its hard to hear or understand him.
Yeah.. I know..lots of jibberish on here lately..
It cannot be helped..
I have an emptyness that is driving much of my daily thoughts.
I ..as always... have no clue what to do. ISTBA is absolut-ly no help.. so I turn to the malt..hoppy.. and it allows me to post..and ponder.
I am stuck here in my lost place.. no one or no thing to give me direction..no uncontrollable smiles.. no happy thoughts. . Just do what you must..pay your bills.. go to work..
My life has many questions I cannot ask. I just have to go from day to the next day.. fix what I can..and keep moving.
I have been reminded..'if you stop looking. .it will come.. ' bullshit.
If I stop looking..stop trying.. years pass and I am exactly where I was before.. and continue to be.
I have passed on offers..
Ocassionally regret it..but usually rationalize that it's all for the best..not meant to be.. and so on..
I admit..I have missed out because I passed on some things..
But... usually...I don't get what I want...anyway... tough!
I was very lonely and vulnerable this past week.. I reached out to a few. I got responses..and felt good about it. It helped.
But .. not more.. just for the moment...
I guess I have been that for a few.. the just for the moment.. solace.
I am too old.. I have always been too old for the 'moment' type... but it has sufficed.. more than nothing but not enough.
I am at that place..
I am not ready to give up.. but I was not meant to be here.. alone..
I cannot be with just me and ISTBA..
R 9/9/16
I could and should.
It has been 8 months..and 8 months before ..
We had 8 months of constant contact..now 8 months of limited contact. I said a while ago I was only good for 3 or 4 weeks.
I guess in long distance terms that translates to 8 months.
No I don't understand the why or what's .. I just know.. time.. and distance.
The time increases and the distance is the same.
I am sure there is a computation that has meaning for this.
I will have to look for it..maybe it will shed some light.
Probably not.
ISTBA tells me .. I am not going to know unless you tell me.
I do hear him. He always is whispering in my ear..but sometimes he shouts.. most times its hard to hear or understand him.
Yeah.. I know..lots of jibberish on here lately..
It cannot be helped..
I have an emptyness that is driving much of my daily thoughts.
I ..as always... have no clue what to do. ISTBA is absolut-ly no help.. so I turn to the malt..hoppy.. and it allows me to post..and ponder.
I am stuck here in my lost place.. no one or no thing to give me direction..no uncontrollable smiles.. no happy thoughts. . Just do what you must..pay your bills.. go to work..
My life has many questions I cannot ask. I just have to go from day to the next day.. fix what I can..and keep moving.
I have been reminded..'if you stop looking. .it will come.. ' bullshit.
If I stop looking..stop trying.. years pass and I am exactly where I was before.. and continue to be.
I have passed on offers..
Ocassionally regret it..but usually rationalize that it's all for the best..not meant to be.. and so on..
I admit..I have missed out because I passed on some things..
But... usually...I don't get what I want...anyway... tough!
I was very lonely and vulnerable this past week.. I reached out to a few. I got responses..and felt good about it. It helped.
But .. not more.. just for the moment...
I guess I have been that for a few.. the just for the moment.. solace.
I am too old.. I have always been too old for the 'moment' type... but it has sufficed.. more than nothing but not enough.
I am at that place..
I am not ready to give up.. but I was not meant to be here.. alone..
I cannot be with just me and ISTBA..
R 9/9/16
posted from Bloggeroid
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