A nice long title..topic..
Just another fun filled day.. in a series of days..
Like that song says...the days get shorter as you get older..
Not that they are shorter...they just pass by quicker..and time moves on.. this month is half over..and it is not noticeable..
It comes and goes so fast..and boom its the next month.
Time
I am still just .. here.
Not feeling much.. not belonging..
After the past few months.. feeling more isolated.
Finding out I am not making any headway.. just surviving..nothing remarkable to punctuate my times..
New bills..even though trying not to spend my money.. trying to be responsible. . Doesnt make any difference..
Small windfalls.. equals new unexpected bills...
I know I can do better at managing my finances.. I have and know it.
But ..each time..I save money.. make extra.. a suprise bill surfaces..and its gone.
I spent the last month.. not going out..staying home.. not spending anything.. and have the same amount of money..and none for me..
Actually more new things to pay for..
This is not all about finances .. my personal life is exactly the same..no investment.. zero gain.. I have cut myself off from everyone..not intentionally..it just has worked out that way.
Just go to work..go home.. sleep and back to work.
Try not to fall asleep after work..because I will be up all night and late for work tomorrow. Then repeat..
Right now.. there is no happiness in my day to day..
None. It seems like I am avoiding it.
Trying not to hurt.. but soon.. I will be in that season..and dont know how to handle it..what to do.. I had hoped for busy work at home.. but none. I thought about motivation to better me.. no.. I am reading again..a worthy goal.. I am behind.. I can get caught up.
I have spent time..watching old dvds..and sharing with L
She likes it..
But I am running out of things to occupy my mind.
I have spent long hours by my self staring at a fire in my firepit..
Not doing anything special. .
I have unfollowed almost all my facebook friends to limit the mundane stuff. I am down to family and close friends.. but more go away each day. . I am close to just shutting it off altogether. Nothing but bad news..or reminders. .
Such a sad place.
I think it's scaring away ISTBA...he doesn't know how to deal with it.
I need a drive.. but cannot justify the cost. I have paid time off left..
I need to go..
Just no where I am wanted..
So I would go to be alone...I can do that at home.
For instance.. I got home tonight.. L was asleep.. I made dinner..ate alone.. and left.. just by my self.. now I'm sitting here.. alone.
Just not home.
I am not alone..just lonely.
R 9/15/16
Just another fun filled day.. in a series of days..
Like that song says...the days get shorter as you get older..
Not that they are shorter...they just pass by quicker..and time moves on.. this month is half over..and it is not noticeable..
It comes and goes so fast..and boom its the next month.
Time
I am still just .. here.
Not feeling much.. not belonging..
After the past few months.. feeling more isolated.
Finding out I am not making any headway.. just surviving..nothing remarkable to punctuate my times..
New bills..even though trying not to spend my money.. trying to be responsible. . Doesnt make any difference..
Small windfalls.. equals new unexpected bills...
I know I can do better at managing my finances.. I have and know it.
But ..each time..I save money.. make extra.. a suprise bill surfaces..and its gone.
I spent the last month.. not going out..staying home.. not spending anything.. and have the same amount of money..and none for me..
Actually more new things to pay for..
This is not all about finances .. my personal life is exactly the same..no investment.. zero gain.. I have cut myself off from everyone..not intentionally..it just has worked out that way.
Just go to work..go home.. sleep and back to work.
Try not to fall asleep after work..because I will be up all night and late for work tomorrow. Then repeat..
Right now.. there is no happiness in my day to day..
None. It seems like I am avoiding it.
Trying not to hurt.. but soon.. I will be in that season..and dont know how to handle it..what to do.. I had hoped for busy work at home.. but none. I thought about motivation to better me.. no.. I am reading again..a worthy goal.. I am behind.. I can get caught up.
I have spent time..watching old dvds..and sharing with L
She likes it..
But I am running out of things to occupy my mind.
I have spent long hours by my self staring at a fire in my firepit..
Not doing anything special. .
I have unfollowed almost all my facebook friends to limit the mundane stuff. I am down to family and close friends.. but more go away each day. . I am close to just shutting it off altogether. Nothing but bad news..or reminders. .
Such a sad place.
I think it's scaring away ISTBA...he doesn't know how to deal with it.
I need a drive.. but cannot justify the cost. I have paid time off left..
I need to go..
Just no where I am wanted..
So I would go to be alone...I can do that at home.
For instance.. I got home tonight.. L was asleep.. I made dinner..ate alone.. and left.. just by my self.. now I'm sitting here.. alone.
Just not home.
I am not alone..just lonely.
R 9/15/16
posted from Bloggeroid
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