As far as Monday's go.. today was ok.
I spilled coffee grounds on the break room floor first thing at work.
Had a fairly busy day. Crunching numbers and researching tbe past.
Trying to make sense of past items on some spreadsheet.
I didn't sleep well.. the brightspot of my night was my phone.. reminding me I was not asleep..with a nice notice that I was remembered. I expected to be called into the boss to explain a screw up that cost $ .. but no .. not even another email on the topic.
Maybe tomorrow. .. during the mgrs meeting.
Not the reason im not sleeping... not even involved.
I spent all day Sunday home.. barely went outside.. had a fire after dinner..and a shower then to bed early..ish.. but no sleep.
Junk in my head.
With a mention on facebook.. I applied for a rebate on an expensive repair on my car.. filled out the online form..and was surprised to get a letter on Saturday .. stating I have been approved for a recall rebate..and the check is enclosed... only thing was.. there was no check... I called them this morning.. and the computers were down..and was told to call back after 12..
Oh the suspense...
I finally called at 1 .. they told me the check had been mailed.. and may come in a different letter.. if not to call back and cancel the check for reissue... or they could cancel the check and reissue one now..I decided to wait..
More suspense...
I got home tonight..after today.. with all I read..and the lack of sleep..and the tedium..
Checked my mailbox..
Lo and behold... a letter .. with a check!
So. A better end to a Monday.
I napped..made dinner.. watched more of my daily Dvd series with L.. and put the rest behind me.
Oh.. I did call my insurance company. .and start a claim for hail damage on my roof.. they will call tomorrow. That will be expensive... no way around it.. $1800 deductible.. and 50% of the cost to re roof..
Somewhere.. I have done something to cause me to pay ..
I don't know what..exactly. .but keep doing it.. keep preventing me...
I had a chance to make up for my shortfall.. and the plan was there..then.. nothing..
Something somewhere is telling me what I should be doing..and so far..I am not doing it.. not doing it right.
No one is calling me..texting me..offering any insight.. ISTBA..is murmuring. . But nothing intelligent. ...
I am just drifting.
Anyone who has really cared for me is silent..
I haven't asked for help.. but I don't. . And no one is noticing..
It is all on my shoulders.. the weight is crushing me.
I have dug my hole.. but it is turning into a 6' deep hole.. a grave..
A lonely hole in the ground.
You know.. I am not an escape.. not a destination..not even a waypoint.. I am a human..someone that feels and hurts and cares.
I give what I can. Sometimes out of selfish desires..mostly without any need of anything. If I have touched you.. it is because..you let me.... it was needed..meant to be..
I have always been ...'that guy'.. the one..the one you remember. .the one you ignore..forget...
I am forgettable.
A memory. . A ghost..someone you remember fondly..but forget why..
And as time passes..you wonder. .why at all.
The weak.. are attached..for all the wrong reasons..and still don't know why.. and never will.
They are ok..for the short term..
Reciprocal. .
You or I can accept that..
But not forever..not long term..
But at some point..you realize..you are alone.
Travel.. distancing yourself from your comfort zone. . Is a serious change... I have done it..a few times. .never easy..you have to be prepared for many of the differences.. and changes.. if you are not ready to commit. .to all that happens..all the social changes..you have to go through alone.. it becomes a prison.. a sentance. A point in your life..where hard changes become so difficult. .you flounder..
Or you wait...wanting someone or something to suggest.. to give you options. ..
In the end..it belongs to you.
You.
I am done for this night..
I can no longer complete a solid thought.
I am done.
Good night. .
Hey!
You can call or text me.. I will ALWAYS answer.
Just..saying the obvious
R
I spilled coffee grounds on the break room floor first thing at work.
Had a fairly busy day. Crunching numbers and researching tbe past.
Trying to make sense of past items on some spreadsheet.
I didn't sleep well.. the brightspot of my night was my phone.. reminding me I was not asleep..with a nice notice that I was remembered. I expected to be called into the boss to explain a screw up that cost $ .. but no .. not even another email on the topic.
Maybe tomorrow. .. during the mgrs meeting.
Not the reason im not sleeping... not even involved.
I spent all day Sunday home.. barely went outside.. had a fire after dinner..and a shower then to bed early..ish.. but no sleep.
Junk in my head.
With a mention on facebook.. I applied for a rebate on an expensive repair on my car.. filled out the online form..and was surprised to get a letter on Saturday .. stating I have been approved for a recall rebate..and the check is enclosed... only thing was.. there was no check... I called them this morning.. and the computers were down..and was told to call back after 12..
Oh the suspense...
I finally called at 1 .. they told me the check had been mailed.. and may come in a different letter.. if not to call back and cancel the check for reissue... or they could cancel the check and reissue one now..I decided to wait..
More suspense...
I got home tonight..after today.. with all I read..and the lack of sleep..and the tedium..
Checked my mailbox..
Lo and behold... a letter .. with a check!
So. A better end to a Monday.
I napped..made dinner.. watched more of my daily Dvd series with L.. and put the rest behind me.
Oh.. I did call my insurance company. .and start a claim for hail damage on my roof.. they will call tomorrow. That will be expensive... no way around it.. $1800 deductible.. and 50% of the cost to re roof..
Somewhere.. I have done something to cause me to pay ..
I don't know what..exactly. .but keep doing it.. keep preventing me...
I had a chance to make up for my shortfall.. and the plan was there..then.. nothing..
Something somewhere is telling me what I should be doing..and so far..I am not doing it.. not doing it right.
No one is calling me..texting me..offering any insight.. ISTBA..is murmuring. . But nothing intelligent. ...
I am just drifting.
Anyone who has really cared for me is silent..
I haven't asked for help.. but I don't. . And no one is noticing..
It is all on my shoulders.. the weight is crushing me.
I have dug my hole.. but it is turning into a 6' deep hole.. a grave..
A lonely hole in the ground.
You know.. I am not an escape.. not a destination..not even a waypoint.. I am a human..someone that feels and hurts and cares.
I give what I can. Sometimes out of selfish desires..mostly without any need of anything. If I have touched you.. it is because..you let me.... it was needed..meant to be..
I have always been ...'that guy'.. the one..the one you remember. .the one you ignore..forget...
I am forgettable.
A memory. . A ghost..someone you remember fondly..but forget why..
And as time passes..you wonder. .why at all.
The weak.. are attached..for all the wrong reasons..and still don't know why.. and never will.
They are ok..for the short term..
Reciprocal. .
You or I can accept that..
But not forever..not long term..
But at some point..you realize..you are alone.
Travel.. distancing yourself from your comfort zone. . Is a serious change... I have done it..a few times. .never easy..you have to be prepared for many of the differences.. and changes.. if you are not ready to commit. .to all that happens..all the social changes..you have to go through alone.. it becomes a prison.. a sentance. A point in your life..where hard changes become so difficult. .you flounder..
Or you wait...wanting someone or something to suggest.. to give you options. ..
In the end..it belongs to you.
You.
I am done for this night..
I can no longer complete a solid thought.
I am done.
Good night. .
Hey!
You can call or text me.. I will ALWAYS answer.
Just..saying the obvious
R
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