December 2019

Here I am, end of the year..last month.
Work is stressing over unused Paid Time Off .. So I have put in some time.. I will take a few days.. And lose what they wont pay out.. No carry over this year.
I have 170 hours..I am using 40.. Will get paid for 40..and lose the rest.

2020..I will try to use it all..

So.. I have bought the tickets.. Scheduled the time..made all the arrangements.. Going to do this.

I have plans for a road trip in july.. And probably a central america trip in the spring..

I will do what I can to use what I deserve.. I do not have all that extra responsibility... I am responsible to do my job..

I m counting the days..
Vacation is close..
Travel.. Then island and my mermaid..and the beach.
I cannot wait to be there.. My first stamp..
Water..waves..sunrises..sunsets..swimming..
Just laying in the sun..in a hammock..
A week will not be enough..but I will make it count.
To be able to spend time with my mermaid in her element..
Just to be with my mermaid.. Face to face..
To be able to see, touch..
It seems like forever since we have been near..
But it has only been a couple months..and we have been connected every day..
I worry that it has been too much..
I worry that I am to intense..
I hope I haven't been too attached..

I go into most relationships full bore..but in the past few years..I have learned to scale it back..slow it down..I just get to intense..I end up scaring you away..

I m happy.. I.am smiling.. I am up..not down
It has been a while.
Keep me smiling..
I will keep you smiling..
I have been worse..I am happy to be here..now

Thank you.

So..here we are..
40 years ago...to now..
I know I want to be happy..
I know I deserve to be happy...
I have tried to be..happy...
I forgave a lot..but still hurt..and as much as I tried..I wasn't..
Here I am..still trying ..

Yes, there is things.. But.. We ..I .. Can overcome those things.

Time..
Opportunity..

R