Vacation is over...

Ok.. I am back..
I have christened my passport.
No travel issues.
All went well.
I spent a lot of time, thinking.. And reading.
I didnt finish my book.. But came close.
I did swim and snorkel. I saw amazing things. I learned a lot.
I spent some quality time with my daughter..
And some time with my Mermaid.

It is so nice to be with someone that is on the same plane as I am, we are from the same generation, we grew up in the same place with similar experiences..yet different...very different, but relatable.. Perceptions and circumstances were the same..

Funny how you can grow up knowing the same people but see some from very different angles.. Now..to be able to see the other side of the coin, seems to be a way to fill in the blanks of what you already knew..
The reason..you are where and who you are..

I know I have created my next dilemma..
How to..if i can.. When..
What should I do..
Will I ..

Musical reference phrase...in my head..

So many things could change.. Or not...

I spent a week.. Always there..around.. Relying on you, in your space..your element..
Did I burn out? Over step?
Did I fail to impress..no.. Fail to meet the expectation..that I created. ..
Or did you.. Being who you are.. Realize...and accept...me..
And my imperfections..insecurities.. ??
I can hope.. We will talk..

At one point..i thought i blew it.. Too much.. Up your ass.. Too needy.. Then..feeling not enough..
Afraid to ask..if it was supposed to be more..
I would have loved to be more..
But, the 'boy' in me..needs to reign it in..
I think.. Critical phrase.. I survived..
I feel good..about it..
I Always make mistakes..
Most times..it is with my perceptions..
Then my over-thinking..

Nothing 'chemical' happening here..
Or hormonal..
Just life..and personalities..figuring out..if we need to complete...something..connect with someone..

I have been in the middle of what I thought was something that was something else..and took a turn..that burned..
And left me scarred..

You only pick up that hot metal once.. Then realize..you have been burned..
Maybe..you should not try to touch that...

So..unfortunately..you step lightly.. Going forward..and try not to give as freely..
You try not to get caught up..in the moment..
Read more into anything..
You end up cautious..
But, dont blow your chance.. Being too cautious..

Take the chance..

We will see..
Just dont mess it up.........

At least try not to..

R