Holiday week..

No..not the Brittish meaning..
But neither applies.. I am working Wednesday to Sunday..
Not really my time of year.. Work is good.
Speaking of work.. I hit a milestone.. Most income i have ever made in my life. Lots of overtime and additional work pay.. But way more than I made with all those titles and responsibilities.. Yes, it cost more to drive 100 miles a day..and live where i chose to.. But.. I may survive tax time..maybe..
I have a road rally to plan..maybe a ski weekend or two in the immediate future.. You cant take it with you..also you need to live.. Because the future is now..and nothing beyond today is promised..

I am trying to restructure my perception..
I am no longer so many things..

But i am what i always was.. If you knew me then, you know me now..

If you missed that.. Ask those that knew me..

I wish i could remind a few people, some things..
I have heard.. That some, could not see what they did to me..and dont know why I am still their friends.. And warn others that i can be too intense..i dont let go.. Etc...
Yes, i can..i have, i did.....let go..
Unfortunately, they are still too full of themselves to see who i was.. And they pass on their perceptions of me..to others that could benefit from me in their life.. But..
I was the one burned..stomped on.. Ignored.. Cast aside..
Only to prove much later that i forgave their mode of operation..as they did to everyone..and was still willing to help...listen.. And forget the pain and all that was done and said..to me and To others..who left..
They realized i was real..to suggest i try to help another..
Just to discount my help, later..as..difficult to deal with...probably because i was real and not one that could be manipulated..
So..i.stepped away.. Do not accuse my consideration for manipulation..I tried to reduce contact stress..not take advantage.. But..i end up getting berated..demeaned.. Accused of being a poor friend.
That hurt.
After all i tried to do, all i did..
Ouch.
Really..ouch.

That is why.. If you wonder..that .. Is.. Why..

I did not imagine it..

Yet, it is what it ..was..
And i am sorry...

Not what i expected, wanted..
Yet..

So..
Yes, it.still hurts.

I have been hurt before..many times..
The times it was unexpected or unintended were the ones that hurt the most.

...
Just hug me..let me hug you..maybe this will pass..

..
.

R