Lots of topics..

Well, I had lots..
I had thoughts through out the past week..things I said..should go in my blog...of course ..I cannot remember one.

Maybe they will come back..while I am typing.

So..
I am in the simple changes mode.
I am changing my routines..
To mix things up.. just little things..
Spending more time at work..and more time at home.
Cleaning..organizing..doing the things I was putting off.
It is typically less expensive..and I am making progress.

I have dusted off the excercise equipment..doing yard work..rearranging my garage.. spending time on my patio.
Planning my trip.
I just tinted the windows in my car. Changed my tool storage..optomized it..and made it neat.
Waxed the car top to bottom..for the first time.. did some rewiring.
Prep work..

Really..all of this is because..ISTBA.
Yes, he is back. Fortunately he makes me realize I have been neglecting many of my mundane tasks that eventually need to be done. But I am busy.. not sleeping.. getting stuff done.
I have completed 2 projects. .working on a few more..got repairs coming in.... making a few $.

Still..ISTBA is there to pat me on the back.. job well done..or its about time..


I have figured..that I either try too hard or just not enough.
Actually I knew that aleady.
But.. as usual I dont know if I am making a difference...if I am wasting my time...well not a waste of time..just do I need to rethink where I am.. ISTBA..is whispering.. 'friend'..
I know I am fooling myself if I think more... I want more..but not reading between the texts...
Too vague.. mostly.. 'friendly'
I am not saying that is not a good thing.. I can always have more friends..people that 'get' me..
Most people I know fall in 2 categories.. simple and complex.
Simple is the average. Never much to worry about. No agendas..
No real connection..a take it or leave it type of relationship.
Complex.. takes effort..involvement..
Most people are not that committed.
So..most of the people I know are of the simple type.

I have lived here 14 years..
I have 1 complex friend. And that is only recent.. I have know them and been around them for 13 yrs.

Case in point.. that is why I am here..in a bar..by myself.

It is sad..when the you are in a place you always go..for years..
And the only person that knows who you is the bartender.

I am conditioning myself..or re-conditioning myself to be a homebody..I can do it..its less expensive..and the expectations are low.. there is plenty i could be doing at home. Even trying to sleep.

I have my trip.. and if it isnt disappointment. . Even if it is..I will have to recoup.. after..so staying home may be my best option.

Sometimes I wonder.. I have my own home and can entertain..and have a nice place to be.. and cannot find those..that dont want to 'club' but would love a place ..that isnt home..to hang out and do nothing more than look at the stars on the patio by the fire.
It is nice by myself.. but......


Yes, we all are a bit screwed up..no one is perfect.. overlook My minor issues..and think..that we could be good for eachother.
If anything..give us more than we have..right now.
That..isnt so bad.. it cant get worse..
And if it isnt all it can be.. we are always gonna be friends..
I never throw away a friend.. too few..too valuable. Too scarce.

Well...I am not sure..if its an eye opener..but as always..
It is what comes from my grey matter..

R
6/6/16

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