engine out

Saturday.. got up reasonably early.  Did groceries.. Home depot for water filter salt , 80lbs.., unloaded.. then to Harbor freight for dollys.. back to pet smart for cat food.. home.. built cradles for the dollys, figured out how to unload the engine and trans.. trans first.  Slid it to the tailgate.. lifted it out to the dolly with the engine hoist (cherry picker) ..then slide the pallet to the tailgate.. strap up the engine and lift it off and get it on the dolly..strap it down.. done! 

I got oil and antifreeze.. need transmission fluid.. 

So maybe next weekend.. start this project.. I have the struts and the bushings.. I will do those too.

..

I read that the Denver Mini club has a mountain ride in July.. that I will look into..

..

So.. lets see what tommorow brings..

R

friday.. engine loaded

So , I went in early, after putting air in all 4 of the borrowed truck tires. Uneventful drive in. Got set up  with a chain hoist on the girders in the garage.. wrapped the pallet with the engine and transmission with large ratchet straps, hoisted it up, and with someone to guide me, backed the truck under it .. all good. Then loaded the cherry picker back in the truck. All set for the drive home.

Getting it out.. will be fun..

..

I probabaly wont start this weekend.. maybe next..hopefully it will only take a weekend. 

..

Maybe I will go to Mikes party this weekend.

If he sends the directions...

...

Not much going on.

Planning on getting Betty back up and running, then maybe plan a road trip.. break in the new engine.

...

 R

car parts

My engine and shocks and bushings have arrived.

I need to get the engine in the truck i borrowed. Get it home and out of the. Truck. Then take the car apart..and pull the old..and replace the newer.. install the newer.and make it all work,

R

lots to think about

I have been trying to focus on plans.

What to do next, and after that.

Not an easy thing..

Certain things take presidence ..

Transportation, home and work. Money...bills.. I spent much too much time looking for relationship happiness.. and failed..time and time..

So not on the list right now. 

I can hope people will remain friendly and come and go with out any grief.

I can love the one one with.. if they are with me too..

One can always hope for more long term but at this stage..im not gonna press it.

..

I have had closer friends that were happy to have me around..although I always got too attached.. and scared them away..

As has been done to me.. a few times... 

Now, I feel Im just that one.. who didnt get what his limit was supposed to be..I just always failed.

Or was wrong. ..either about how the relationship was...or was supposed to be..too much or to little or not at all, more than close or closer friends..and of course didnt see the sign or take the hint that I was in the wrong place.

..

You would think.. that after getting to know someone on a deep personal level.. you would be close enough to be able to honesty approach someone you cared for..and correct their misunderstanding.. if they cared for you as well ..so you could continue to care for eachother..

I have seen worse relationships between two who should not be together.. last and last....because someone never gives up.. or someone forgives.. and trys..

..

..

.

So summer starts this weekend 

.. the only plan I have is engine work.

The rest is to be determined.

..

Someone come . .give me a reason to do more than work..

..

Too much to ask for I know.

.

R

end of this week

It seemed longer and rushed.. but I made it to the end of this week.

No plans decided for vacation.. I am thinking if I can get the engine replaced with little issues, and travel worthy. ..I should take a week in the middle of July.. 2days out and 2 days back.. a friday late start or early Sat.   Then Monday thru Sat and Sun Monday return..its doable.. 

See who I can see...

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I have written a short legal will.. and just need it notorized with 2 witnesses.. then make copies and put it in the safe.

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I need to get the tiller and do the back yard.. maybe try the lawn clover..if not over seed with good grass and see if it will become a lawn.

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Cars, house, work..radios.. thats all I am doing lately.. 

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Maybe I should plan a trip overseas..

Go for the whole deal..

Be better to do with a companion...

Just putting that out there..

.. 

Funny.. not wanting to jinx it.. the car engine light has gone out.. been 2 days... 

She knows I am getting stuff to fix her and keep her around..

...

So Summer is coming..and I have things to do.. and work is work..

Keep on..

R

time rolling on..

I bought the motor from Dallas

. The also had a transmission, and can ship together. With tax..nearly the same as the accident settlement..I put it on the card that just lowered the interest rate to 9.9%..I will pay it off..without interest...and get the rewards, and the positive hit on my credit score..and will have a busy weekend once it all arrives..I should do the bushings and maybe the struts..make her shine and road ready! 

Then all I need to do is plan a road trip to break her in.

..

I missed the mini window.  So its just me on a cross country thing.. unless i take a quick weekend to do MOTM..a Thuts, Fri, Sat, Sun..if I can get the Thurs, Fri coverage.. I could..maybe..

I should ask..

..

Radios are still rolling in.. I have the redo..and the vintage one..im making small fwd strides on that..and a chip install that just arrived.. one to pick up in FR.. maybe 3..

I have saved the radio$ for a vacation..I may get to use it for that..

..

I may just take vacation to work on Betty..and save the rest for a MTTS 2026..

R

Monday

A good busy weekend.

I got stuff done.

I may have found an engine for Betty..I need.to look for a Transmission.. 

Then take the time to replace it all

. Looks like I missed my slot for Mini trips.. so maybe july.. either before or after the engine..

.. I did not plan for a location or a reason for the trip..so if nothing happens.. its on me.

Nothing was planned.. questions. But no decisions.

My fault..wish I could lock something..someone in..

But.. here I am as always.. and the option..is to forget.it and just work..

..

Boring and no reset.. which I know I need. 

..

The house is still dirty..and ive been mowing..but it needs work.. house and yard. Just me.. no ambition for that...

..

A will be here in August.. I hope she will be able to spend time with us..

I miss her.

..

She is really good for me.. she makes me feel like me.. odd way to.put it..but true.

...

I hope she can spend time with us..me..

..

Oh well..

I will survive..either way.

R

decisions

I was contacted by a former interest..

She tried to msg me..and it would not go through..so she called..I was at work, but chatted briefly. She asked..on a round about way if i was still interested.. 

I know i screwed that up by accepting another instead of her..

The one I accepted..lost interest..or more likely..I messed.that up..

And since I chose the other over her.. I felt it was not proper to go back to try my second choice..they did ask if I had a GF..I said no not since last year.. she asked if it was M..I said no someone else..

She asked if I was looking.. I said ..honestly after the last one..im not.

I dont need that level of disappointment.. it was a lot of effort wasted to be friend zoned

 then Ignored....

What ever she expected or wanted..she never explained to me..I felt I tried..I know I failed..

Just another to add to the list of those that I failed..and still dont know how or why..

..

Mutual interest only lasts as long till one gives up.

With out explanation or.at.least.a notice of where you fail. Nothing ever changes..and I have nothing to learn.

So I will repeat... 

I can still learn..I would love to learn what I need to fix..but..no one has ever even suggested..

..

So I am here.

Just me...

Probably for the rest of my time..

..

So..I ask myself..what to do next?

I can work another 8 or 9 years..retire and cash out.. disappear..and by then no one will notice or care.

Maybe set up a radio or repair shop near an interstate or leave the country..and evaporate.

L will be 30..next year.. and im done..

I have done what I can.. and even started the will.. 

I have not had anything that can be called 'MyLife' for so long..yet time just keeps going forward.. Im older and feel the same...

Yet..alone..my family has disconnected..and friends have dwindled..the rest is work and hobby radio..

..

I need a vacation..

I need a lover..

I guess i will plan a vacation...

R

.

last one here

Ok..its thursday.. im the last one sitting here.. im fed and desserted..and hace had enough to drink.. 

Im not unhappy..just sitting here..finishing my last drink before I go home..to my empty bed..

.. but no different than any other night.. but..i have to get back home..to be sad about my empty bed...

But its be my life for far too long..

I do not see that ever changing..

It is what it has become..

Yet, every day..I get up and do what I must..and have no reward in site or planned..  

..I have and can do that..by myself.

...just me..

R

first full weekend in a month..

It is also going to be generally nice out.

I have thought about trying to cut the bedroom doors..and install vents..bought the vents to try..

Need the right tool to cut the doors.. 

And keep it nice..

I have a skill saw .. just no skill..

I was gonna borrow the jigsaw from work.. but forgot. I should buy a tool..that does what i need..or a hand saw..and fight with it..

Maybe I can find a disk for the angle grinder..and cut the soft pine door...and trim it with a hand saw.

..

So.. im still alone..but not desperate..

So I can be picky.. 

I need to put in for this years time off. MOTM is Aug 1&2 ..

And usually SOCom uses the same date for the climb on PikesPeak..

So, I should put in for a week at that time..and decide which to do..

michgan..will be by my self..unless I can find a passenger.. or I could go to the Springs..and visit C or K.. and book a room. Do the climb and hang out. Maybe visit with Anita..if I can find her. Or just go solo and visit work and hang with the 'geeks' that are still around....

....

Either that.. go down south and hang with Dave..

Or just go to Europe!

..

A will be here in July..not sure if Im on the agenda.. no real contact..just ocassional.. but I would more than welcome her to come stay..and hang out.. I miss her...and our closeness..

..

Mostly pipe dreams..no real options..

..

I need to make a decision and commit.. 

Do the engine work on Betty or.prep Revington and give him a run..

..

It has never been all happy and smiles for me..just not seeing any sunshine in my future..and im only getting older..

Im trying to visualize..retirement..just have no clue if or how im gonna do it.

...

L is doing her version of adulting..but will never support the life she has lived with my help. She really has no clue.. mostly my fault..I have not showed her what our life requires for the day to day..

And with J.. and all the support and money needed to live.. its impossible on her salary.

 ..

When I retire..we will need to downsize..and restructure..or they will need to go off on their own..and.me another way..

...

Yet.. im still just me..

For better or not..

R

feeling busy..

Wow, April and May have been busy.

I feel like I cannot catch up.

Work has been crazy busy, but we are getting stuff done..just seems to be a whole lot more to do.

..

Ive had an eye infection for the past month.  It gets better then goes bad again.. today the eyelid is infected.

I will take out my contacts tonight and see if I can get my eyes some rest.. 

..

More..

.

I went out for dinner thursday..as usual.. had a text conversation about my status..and current mindset..i was several drinks in.. and was not holding back.. it is how I feel and why.

Im not sure if it is anything I can change..it just is.. I have given up on finding a forever mate..and not really looking for anything else..

I hate being alone..but I like myself enough to keep on..I still have things to do and a way to get them done.

I have work and home and family...

And cars and radios.. so I can keep busy and occupied.

..my friends are radio people and clients, bartenders and people I know from my past and work. Thats about it..

My brothers are not communicative, much. But I am not closed to any conversations.

No one has ever visited my home.

Except, A,J,N,J, and my realtor.

A has stayed the night.. no one else.

I have lived in this house since 2018..

I have never been a destination.. and still not.

...

R