quiet day

Slept in as much as the cat would let me.. finally got up.. coffee was already made.. I waited till 1p to have some.. I did not eat anything till 2p..

Worked on the mic cord and then made a jumper for the Kenwood into the dummy load.. fixed the coax switch.. maybe put that in line.. and add an antenna connection.. I really need to reset the workbench.

And clean and vacuum.. and dust.. etc..

Today would have been a good day in the garage.. missed that one.. it was warm with the rain..

..

I talked with Dave.. for a while today..not much new, just idle chat while he was driving back from an appointment.. then had a conversation with a couple guys one in Illinois the other in California.

.

. 

I did the Federal taxes..no paid prep..

Could have got more if I did maybe..but have to do the state..I will try the state site.. last year I paid $160 for some company to do it.. 

I need to go back to doing them myself.. 

It is not that difficult.. 

..

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So.... What should I do?..

Online is a dead end. I have no friends that I see on a regular basis.. the few have gotten fewer..and I dont see any new or old opportunities..

..

I need to figure out what to do next..

...

Not a lot of opportunities..not for me..

Just too disconnected..

..

Somewhere I missed that turn..I went straight..and ended up here.. 

Too late to go back.. 

I can guess 30 yrs ago, I made a choice. To stay with someone for 20 yrs.. and give up my viable years..but it was not with out satisfaction..I have my daughter..and a realization..that I was who I needed to be..and made no mistakes..

But. . Life realizations..and I am alone..and old..and unworthy..

After all that..and have no idea how to move on..

Everyone is scared of an old guy.. twice married..must be something wrong with me.. but.. afraid to see..who I am..

Yes, im flawed..aren't we all..

But I am forgiving and understanding..just me..

I know how to love and appreciate..

I still can be taught..what you need..

And how to give it..

I only need someone in my life..that needs me..I need to be needed.. 

I realize it defines me..

It gives me purpose.. a reason to be me..

No one understands that..

I need to be needed.. 

This I know..

Simple or complicated.. I need to serve..so I dont feel needy when I actually need... Cause I am human..and I do need.. 

I dont want to feel like I have over stepped.. equal.. need to be equal..

Oh well...

Tomorrow is coming 

R