Snowing with a clear moonlit sky

Welcome to New England winter.

It is snowing.. light flurries.. the sky is clear and the moon is out.

Reminds me a lot of thunder snow in Colorado.. just weird.

...

But it has been a weird month.

It started really well . .. and here we are.

L turned 28. We went to dinner tonight at her favorite place.. no issues . All good and happy.

.. the week was slow but busy.

Lots of work travel.. drove up to Plymouth with the boss in the big Comm truck.. left early, got back 20min after 4.. the next day.. drove a cruiser up to Pembroke with another Tech.. delivering the new 911Chief his car. Uneventful.. but time consuming..

Then spent the rest of the day on the convict transport van.. with the Supv. And also working on his cell modem in his laptop. 

..

Lets see what I am offered.. I dont expect an offer Tuesday..just a 'here is what we are planning.. what would you need/want to be apart of this'... 

I guess I should put some numbers down.. have some real answers. 

Driving 100mi a day.  With fuel and traffic..and the long days.. more than plain old 8 hrs.. add 1 hr up and 1.5 hrs back.. everyday.. worse in the summer, and anytime with bad weather .. and if I do my usual..leave early to miss traffic.. that increases the day to nearly 12 hours for 8 hours pay.... sure its at minimum $12 more than right now . .. really it is a no contest situation.. just need the right money.. 

My personal life is in a weird state .

I want to be somewhere..but find im not.  

Casper comes to mind.. 

He was a Friendly ..Ghost . ..

...

I know a bit about pre-programmed responses and actions..

We do things on automatic . 

React without thinking about it..

Just because we always have .

Sometimes without knowing we are even doing it.. then wonder why we get the response or reaction that happens... 

Sometimes confusion, or just plain anger or disgust.. what are they thinking?..why are they doing that?

Well, I am not happy about that result....

This is going on ..with both sides..

Communication breaks.. and everyone is in the dark.

The gap just gets bigger...

...

Or .. 

It is planned . The response was not expected.. the lack of response is moving things in the wrong direction.. and now its time to rethink... 

..

Here we are.. apart.. im wondering..

Im getting lots of advice.  None apeals to me.. 

I will fuck this up . 

Its what I do..

I guess I am good at that .

Not good at much else.. 

...

This week proved .. I wont get a contact unless I start it.

.. 

Everyone is busy.. 

But how much time does it take to say ' hi how are you?'

...

Doomed.. 

...

Unless she wants to turn it around..

I dont see what I can do to make it change .

..

Texting sucks . But you can send a text and it can be seen and no response is needed.. but if you respond to a text . You show interest..

At the least..you show respect .

It does not mean you want a long conversation.. a simple response.. is just that . If you want a conversation..you open one..

Common sense . 

Mutual respect..

...

Yet, here I am.. wondering.. 

As always..and typically doing the wrong thing.. 

I cant play the game.. 

Im not needy.. I am just me

Simple.. I am just looking for a person that can appreciate me..and what I can offer.. I dont think I ask a lot.. I am patient..and understanding about many things..too many..but if it allows me to find happiness..and a future.. why not? 

...

Oh well .

All I can be is me.

If that is not enough..for you or your friends..

So be it .

...

Advice aside..

I will continue.. 

R