closer. .

Yeah.. but far away. 

...

I am conflicted.

I know im in a place.  This new year ... I may have overstepped..but..maybe just too late.

..

I totally get . .  Personal physical insecurity.....

But.. It is an excuse .. in the end .. that is not the concern.. 

Really.. if you are not happy with how you perceive yourself.. that is not a factor with the person who is interested in you.

Physical appearance is not the reason for attraction..not on this level..it is a gift. But never a requirement.. the interested person will find physical attraction through many other things.. but ultimately..the attraction on any level is mental.. in the persons mind.. the physical is a justified attraction. 

Even if you were a supermodel.. the mental attraction would be more powerful than the physical.

Plus it lasts longer.  Time does not diminish mental attraction.

To limit yourself..or your partner to your own perception of your physical beauty..is bullshit! If they find your attractive qualities..and are keyed to them.. why push them away ?

...

I have had purely intellectual attraction.. the physical was limited and not important...

But...

Physical display of the depth of the attraction is ...can be a wonderful thing.. enjoyable for both..

It can meld your lives together..join your souls . .. prove your attraction.

A mental connection is great..a mental and physical attraction can be bliss. 

...

Im not young anymore..

I want to stop having to hunt for the place I want to be.

I have been here ...in this frame of mind ...for so long... I realzed many years ago..it was not where I wanted to be..but it seems that..it is were I end up ..

Its not a bad place..it would be better to share it ...

...

So , end of the month..

The start of the year had promise..

But, quickly went back.  

The jerk that I always am..wonders what I did ....

Or didn't..

I was a hero for a short time...

But that wears off..

...and here I am..

Yes and no ...I am not ..

I only would like to find what ive been looking for ..for so many years..

But, here I am..doing what I always do..and getting the same results.

No..I cant get her to constantly think about me.. I wish I could.. but..I am attracted to strong independent women..not the wimpy push-over type. Not because I want them to 

dominate..I want them to be an equal..on my level..to be with me..

Capable..not reliant. A person that will question and learn ...but will accept me and my knowledge..as well as teach me.. 

Its a weird situation..but what I need.

...

Where are you?

I am still looking. .. hoping you are  there..really hoping I have found you .

You have that potential..and aleady show you are that type.. I have known this..for a long time..

I just never thought I would have the opportunity to reconnect. 

But we have ..  and I wish I knew how to bring it out..

To show why I am so interested..

..but.. whatever it is that is pulling you away..you are letting it succeed...

And here we are....

Oh well ....

I do not know what I shoud be doing.

Yeah...im a level 9 . ..nice guy..

Which means I am destined to be dropped...by the hot girl...the one I want...

Yes , you..  .

Arrrghh!!

R