half way

Middle of the last month of the year.

I took a couple more days off.

So i have a long weekend this weekend, and a longer weekend next..

Then im on-Call through new years.

We are supposed to get our last July raise next week..with retroactive pay back to July1 and maybe the $500 bonus. We got our clothing allowance last pay period $750..

Taxes took most of it..but it should help with my tax return this year..

I havent calculated what the gross raise and retro will equal..but the raise is just over $1 an hour.

Then a couple weeks into next year we should get another $1 an hour..going forward.. then maybe a yearly raise mid month.. maybe...maybe not.. could be another $1... 

Even with that.. about $9 per hour less than I was making 3 years ago...

So, all that in consideration...

I did apply for my old job.. I got a call from the Chief.. and he asked how serious I was.. I said 8 or 9 out of 10.

He said Naveen also applied.. and suggested when I get an interview..to go..meet the new boss.. and he inferred..they would probably hire Naveen for his old job.. and maybe there would be an opening for my old job, cause the current guy isnt working out. 

.. so maybe not this month.. maybe January.. February..

I am leaning towards it.. 

Even at the old rate.. I could make it work. Hoping for an inflation increase.. gas and all.. 

My car is nearly paid for . .. I could buy a newer one.. with better income...

..

If I got back my same shift.. id be working 7:30a to 3:30p Wednesday to Sunday.. with OT as needed..

I could do that for another couple, to 5 years.. and retire with cash and a bigger 401k and SSI..  

The travel and hours wont matter.. I have done it and if the car survives, and if I can pickup with the same vacation time.. I could afford to take road trip vacations and figure out how to not let work dominate my life.

Maybe even get to Ski now and then.

L will have to adjust , J will be on their own to get their stuff in order.. 

Not mine, not my responsibility.

If L wants to help..good for L.

..

If it all falls down.. I will figure it out..and survive.. 

I could get a second job till I dont need it.

..

Really not wanting to do that ...

Too old.. 

..

Radios are still good..but lately been slow..few and far between..

..

Shifting topics..

I dont know where I am with N.

We still text.. I have not tried to call again.. Im not that important to keep the phone on so we can talk when we set up a time to do that ... 

Yeah.. Im down here and she is up there.. 

I would go if I was invited..in an instant.. I have given up asking if I can ..  I never could handle rejection..

I tried..but.. I am glad she still responds to my texts.... eventually..even if it is only for a few replies.. I still want to try... 

Unless im told to stop ..

..

I dont think she will tell me to go away and leave her alone..but ..

For some reason we cant make it work.. I wish we could..

I tried a little many years ago..and didnt feel there was interest..and this time..I think I was persistent..and convinced her.. reluctantly.. and I failed the tests.. missed the signs.. didnt take the hints.. 

All those things I am so bad at...

She was so forward..in the beginning..then..not.

I had to pry my way in..and being me

, felt..I wasnt doing enough.

And probably was not.

...

I dont usually open myself up..I dont allow me to decide to attach .

When I do.. im in..and devasted when I am wrong..which past history is.. I am wrong ... Always...

More wrong than right .

History repeats and I end up sad and alone.

Well... Welcome to December 2023

...

I wish I could get a break..

Im not a bad guy.. just burned too many times..

R