Oops.. forgot my phone...

this may be a mistake..but doing this not on my phone. i have had a slow weekend. tomorrow, Sunday, i will pick up the hood and fender.. and maybe put it all back together. it is supposed to be warmer. warm enough to work in the garage. the last few days have been really cold...minus degrees cold... i fixed the valance tonight.. so im ready. get the painted parts,reinstall the battery.. pray that the airbag dont go off . and assemble the fender,headlight, bumper cover, valance,and hood. make. sure it starts top off the coolant. Then take it for a drive.. it will need an alignment for sure.. maybe monday...i may have to leave it overnight. got to plan it out. ... fixed a chipped a radio..got it out in less than a week. working on the Ham set for Jane.. been cleaning it up, cleaned the controls.. found lots of info.. may be a bigger problem.. but fixable. ... i have some amps to fix..looked at them earlier..but kinda on hold. .. i did chat w A, she is finished in the present place headed to another for a bit then a sit in a third. seeing the world . i am apparently stuck here.. i can seem to reconcile the job /income change.. im back to worrying about the next paycheck. the first raise did not meet my expectations.. and i dont think i will qualify for a pension..so im paying into retirement..for nothing.. it wont benefit me..unless i stay for 10 years.. i dont think so... and im not paying into social security..so a gaping hole there. the house is too expensive..and inflation is making everything else too high. if i still had debt, i would be screwed. as it is, without L's help, i would have nothing..i have depleted half of my cushion..and all of the radio money..L has $10k more than i in the bank.. still second guessing this job change..did i screw this up too? at the going rate..i will be broke in 6 months, and be needing repairs to pay the mortgage. which are very unreliable and inconsistent. .. just thinking about all that.. it has been in my head... but no one to share it with. .. yeah..that too. no one. i think i need a penpal..a chatbuddy that lives in another place..inaccessable..but within contact.. cause there is....no one. ... i have overstayed every relationship..and scared away all the rest.. now..i have little to offer. when i had a good paying job. and free time..nobody.. when i was making a comfortable living, and little free time...but still available..nothing.. now i have money. no time..and really no future. just work till i cant anymore..and disappear. apparently i have been working on the latter for a long time and am making great strides... i am nearly invisible to my family..and the few remaining friends. sure,i occasionally get a request or a reply..but if i dropped off social media, and changed my phone number..no one would notice. i could fade away.. other than the 2 that live in my house..that i support..and work..no one would notice where I went. kinda sad. i have always been there for others..i have forced way into families and friends.. because i needed someone else iny life.. yet... without my daughter..i would be alone... not supposed to happen to a guy my age..but.. i have never been my physical, chronological age. so i guess im doomed. ... so not sure why i went down that path . but ... its here ..now..in my head.. ... once or twice in my life. ..i knew what i was doing ..what future i was building.. somewhere..it disappeared..and changed.. these last few dozen years it has disolved into where i am. im not aimless..i just don't have a plan.. no goal.. i have been just going to the next day.. moving from the last.. not a lot to smile about ... perma-smile..that thing..is gone..and i have no idea where it went. yeah, im generally not unhappy..just nothing is making me smile uncontrollably.. kinda sad to realize this.. ... oh well... maybe.. something will change.. im a good person..a reasonable guy.. i have little baggage..no debt, a steady job.. my own home.. yet... ok.. i guess im done, things to do in the morning.. to those that read this.. thanks. to those i told about my blog ...this is me.. scary aren't i? ... really..i think im better of than most from m generation..but.. i cant prove it..unless you give me a chance. r