I have visited with my friend and gone swimming, and slept over..
She thought I was mad, I explained I was not. I explained I thought she was busy with other visits..and I didn't want to push myself on her.
I also explained that we always do this.. it takes a little time for us to synchronize.. then we work it out.
She agreed.
As always, I know she is here for a short time ...shorter this time.. and I don't want to monopolize her all to myself.. but I want to spend as much time as possible.. but I know she will be leaving..and understand where I fit in..
Really I do.
What I want.. and what is.. are different..
I know how I feel..I know how my soul feels complete when she is with me.. I know it isn't going to be that. I'm ok with it..I appreciate the time I get..
I am so awkward around her..I want to just grab her and make her mine..but realistically..I know... I am not going to be more than we are now.
Life is weird that way..
But it's ok..and I will be me always.
...
On a serious note, I got a call, as I was leaving Tonight.. M is worried about D. She thinks S has suicidal issues, and asked to be taken to the hospital, they have her under observation..then will decide if she needs to stay..
She had talked to her therapist and he suggested she go to the Hospital.
Fortunately she did.
She has had issues since she got home from school.. something must have happened and with all the other stresses, she is struggling..
M is terrified.. and so worried..
I wish I knew what to tell her..
But D did as for help, and did go to the hospital .
Depression is a terrible thing .
I only hope for the best..
My thoughts will be focused for all I am worth.
.......
Work...
So far so good.. made it past 6 months.. going for training on the 10th.. and working the 4th .. a real work.. OT.. .. hopefully will learn how it's setup.
No MTTS this year ... Again.. could not go.. work.. COVID.. gas.. $$..
Maybe next time.
May be able to plan a vacation trip in a couple months..
Other than that.. I am me .
R
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