Day 10.

No significance, just 10 days into the month. Friday"s primary special event, was a long distance phone call and the first time someone sang to me.
A voice I miss, that was wonderful to hear.
Of course Saturday, I sent a reservation request, and Sunday I booked my tickets. Tomorrow I will start looking for travel necessities. I am serious about this. It is time , and it will be done.

The interesting thing is .. I am seeing lots of activity.. Old friends surfacing, people posting who have been quiet.. Contact that has not been a peep from in almost 2 years..
Yet.. There are those that have always been there, and look for any reason to comment. They are welcome, and I am always amazed at the response I get from simple posts, especially when I forget people are watching.
It is comforting, and.scary at the same time.

So..here I am, moving forward, and not afraid to show what Im doing. I am my own person, those that watch me..family..have little to say, and I.dont answer to them, I used to fear their opinion of me and how I am living my life..but.. In reality they have let me be..and stayed where they are.. Little or no opinion voiced. No questions.. Really not much contact at all.

So, I guess..little brother, is finally allowed to feel like an adult. Mostly by me.. I feel I have been living in a shadow, trying not to taint, or cause disappointment. Or added grief to them. Me, Putting restrictions on me. .. Yet, I have had a family of my own, raised a child to an adult, kept out of major trouble, most of my life. No reason for them to be ashamed of me, except for me walking away from their structure. But, I have done nothing else.
I miss family . I miss having help.
But other than that, I have found what I need, when I need it.
Over all I am happy, I have a job, a home, a love, my daughter that loves me.
I have bills, cards, car, house, utilities and all that..
I am not a kid anymore, I havent been for a long time.
I know responsibility, I know commitment, and loyalty.

I have done little over my past ..just for me, it has always been for everyone else.
Not that I could not get something from doing it that way,.. But not usually just for me..to make me happy.
Well, it has got me here.. And it is time.
Time to find my smile, and give it to me.
Wear it for me..for all to see and question.

I usually step softly..and carefully into a relationship.
Always trying to guess what I should do..how to do it.
Wait to see how involved to get. Try not to get burned.
Once or twice I fell ..or stepped in it.. And usually it ended with me wondering what happened.
I have let it happen, and was suprized when it was more than I realized, for me.. But always happy to be there for as long as they wanted me around. .. Yes, once or twice, I realized if was not for me, or really poor timing, and I ended it. There has been those 'just go away' moments..

But, here I am, I think, where I am supposed to be.. Other than latitude.. Physically.. Mentally I am here, spiritually I am in a much more secure place.

I am missed, and I miss her.
Situations could make contact difficult, but we talk every day, for a few hours. Our schedules are compatible.
I know my feelings have grown, and I am not holding back.

Funny because I thought last year, that I probably would never see 'Mi Sirena' again ..yet, here we are.. Reconnected..
I say that because it is older than us. Yet here we are...
Where wil we take it?

Like the owl commercial..lets find out....

R