Report..

Ok .. the corporate meeting went pretty much as expected.
They mentioned how good we all are doing. They mentioned how good the stock is doing. They mentioned ...because of the corp tax cut..that we will get a bonus.. also the 401k match will be doubled.. and with regulation changes..they will continue growth.

All sounds good on the face..

I hear the scratching of the writing.. on the wall...
My plans have not changed..

I stuck another feather in my cap today.. completed a project I requested 5 years ago.. i have some clean up to finish tomorrow..and this phase is done. 
I may get kudos for it.. i may not.
I know i got it done.

I need to talk to my HR director..she caught me briefly about her chat with her superior..and said he modified something. ..i was asking for..
I hope it is allowing higher pay for my guys.. so i can hire another..at a decent wage.. i will have to talk with her..

I have been thinking a lot about my vacation i just came back from.
I need to do a few things.. for me.. and others..
I want to do this. I really need to do this.
I will do ..

I think i have reminded myself of my connection to the east coast.
All the people..the place ..even in the cold of winter.. it is where I want to be..it is home.. so comfortable.. I don't have to be there..but closer would be best. That is what we am looking for....  Closer..
I don't want to be an annoyance. I want to be available...for me .. and you. 

I know...there is many things that are unsaid..
And many reasons..
If anyone should know by now...it is me.
But.... I know how i feel. How i react..with the slightest contact.
I understand better than most.. as has been proven...not by me but others.. I know..the pain..anger.. lonely.. and the realization...and the denial..
In a near perfect world.... I would live next door.. available..but not more than either needed..but always there..
Available.

Yes there is more complete scenarios.. but lets start small.

But..all things considered..
We should be close enough to help each other... Beyond our one-ness...
We get each other.. and are afraid of what that means..
I do not want to be the replacement..or the one that betrayed or took advantage..or 'vultured'.. I truly got to know many parts of you.. and shared many parts of me.. confided.. opened up.. we have connected on many levels.. and i feel very comfortable around you.. this past visit proved this to me. Still with some restraint.. but very comfortable.. and never a thought to if i needed to be anything but me.

I know this means little.. time will fix that.
Proximity..really is an issue.. but...does not have to be.

I will work on that.

R 1/18/18