Something I am good at.
I can wander better than most.
And I have. No question about that.
This year was good for that, to a point, but when I did, it was not enough. When I needed more, it was not available, bad timing.
Now as we eek toward the end of the year, with all it brings, I find I still need to wander.
I have made restrictions in my head, rationalization, more than likely, unfounded, but on the side of caution.
I have been trying to avoid awkwardness. I definately do not want to impose.
A fine line.
I have restricted a few things I could do, want to do, because I don't know how to handle the results.
I do not want to strain any friendships, but sometimes you just need to go somewhere you are at home, aside from home.
Then, I have the young adult to worry about and provide for, even when I am not here.
But, I cannot continue to put myself on hold because she can not allow herself to adult.
Maybe it will help. To have to fend for herself.
But, the dad kicks in and I worry that it will go badly..
And I will have shirked my responsibility. And something bad could happen.
I know.
My life has been on hold for a few too many years..
And I am not getting any younger.
The next couple months will be a factor in my future.
Work can go in a totally different direction and I may be put into a place where I need to make a critical financial decision.
Or nothing could really change and I will move on To another year of change to the same.
Then it is back to me to decide what is next.
By the way, this growing older while being alone, is totally not what I had planned for the age I live in.
Yes, I am fully aware, life is never what you expect it to be, you have to work every day to be happy and stay happy.
I know too many people that have been dealt the wrong hand. They are like me, trying to figure out why and what is next.
The lucky few, they are out there, in all appearances, have it perfectly done. Happy. In love. Minor issues. But it is very rare.
Most of us are struggling, clawing our way, trying this and that,
Some just hunkering down and ignoring the world, hoping life won't bitch-slap them again.
They end up isolating themselves, hoping that someone will magically break through and sweep them off their feet.
There are some, me included, have found myself, here.
Too old for my mind. To young for my body. No options presenting themselves, no idea how to modify the present situation.
No real clue how to move forward.
Too shy to be bold.
Which is what stifles my persona.
My tools of my past are long gone.
My mentoring is long past and out dated.
My lack of real friends, Leave me with no network, no support or avenue to meet anyone.
By suggestion. I am not looking anymore.
Which never works. (By the way)
You just end up, here, where I am now.
Yes, I know, big old sob story.
No one wants me because no one knows me.
No one knows me because I m a hermit.
I appear unavailable.
Or I appear as the loser I have always been.
Or as some old guy..oggling the young women.
But , here I am.
Wandering.
By myself.
You know, if I am busy. Working.
I don't notice the time running away.
I just need to 'a' it. Find a way.
But, I am me. The same me.
One I have been for all this time.
I usually am very calculated about what I do, about who I let into my personal space. Yes, I have made the common mistakes.
Some have been real learing experiences.
But, here I am.. just me. Alone.
Wandering.
Earlier In my posts. . I have little criteria, but I need the right place, the right job, and the right girl.
I have never had all 3 in the right place and time.
2 at a time, is the most common..
Do you settle?
Do you ignore what could be?
Then go and Invite the world to vie for me?
I am sure each gender thinks the other rules.
Proof is, no one has the 'key' we all must make our way.
And see where we end up.
As a side note.
I know (knew) I can be 'that' person.
The one.
The one that could make everything better.
But.
I never get given the chance.
I have many undesireable issues.
Don't we all?
Ok. I am done for now.
Yes, am still alone..and loney.
I guess i need to stop worrying.
It may fall in place
R 11/18/17
.
I can wander better than most.
And I have. No question about that.
This year was good for that, to a point, but when I did, it was not enough. When I needed more, it was not available, bad timing.
Now as we eek toward the end of the year, with all it brings, I find I still need to wander.
I have made restrictions in my head, rationalization, more than likely, unfounded, but on the side of caution.
I have been trying to avoid awkwardness. I definately do not want to impose.
A fine line.
I have restricted a few things I could do, want to do, because I don't know how to handle the results.
I do not want to strain any friendships, but sometimes you just need to go somewhere you are at home, aside from home.
Then, I have the young adult to worry about and provide for, even when I am not here.
But, I cannot continue to put myself on hold because she can not allow herself to adult.
Maybe it will help. To have to fend for herself.
But, the dad kicks in and I worry that it will go badly..
And I will have shirked my responsibility. And something bad could happen.
I know.
My life has been on hold for a few too many years..
And I am not getting any younger.
The next couple months will be a factor in my future.
Work can go in a totally different direction and I may be put into a place where I need to make a critical financial decision.
Or nothing could really change and I will move on To another year of change to the same.
Then it is back to me to decide what is next.
By the way, this growing older while being alone, is totally not what I had planned for the age I live in.
Yes, I am fully aware, life is never what you expect it to be, you have to work every day to be happy and stay happy.
I know too many people that have been dealt the wrong hand. They are like me, trying to figure out why and what is next.
The lucky few, they are out there, in all appearances, have it perfectly done. Happy. In love. Minor issues. But it is very rare.
Most of us are struggling, clawing our way, trying this and that,
Some just hunkering down and ignoring the world, hoping life won't bitch-slap them again.
They end up isolating themselves, hoping that someone will magically break through and sweep them off their feet.
There are some, me included, have found myself, here.
Too old for my mind. To young for my body. No options presenting themselves, no idea how to modify the present situation.
No real clue how to move forward.
Too shy to be bold.
Which is what stifles my persona.
My tools of my past are long gone.
My mentoring is long past and out dated.
My lack of real friends, Leave me with no network, no support or avenue to meet anyone.
By suggestion. I am not looking anymore.
Which never works. (By the way)
You just end up, here, where I am now.
Yes, I know, big old sob story.
No one wants me because no one knows me.
No one knows me because I m a hermit.
I appear unavailable.
Or I appear as the loser I have always been.
Or as some old guy..oggling the young women.
But , here I am.
Wandering.
By myself.
You know, if I am busy. Working.
I don't notice the time running away.
I just need to 'a' it. Find a way.
But, I am me. The same me.
One I have been for all this time.
I usually am very calculated about what I do, about who I let into my personal space. Yes, I have made the common mistakes.
Some have been real learing experiences.
But, here I am.. just me. Alone.
Wandering.
Earlier In my posts. . I have little criteria, but I need the right place, the right job, and the right girl.
I have never had all 3 in the right place and time.
2 at a time, is the most common..
Do you settle?
Do you ignore what could be?
Then go and Invite the world to vie for me?
I am sure each gender thinks the other rules.
Proof is, no one has the 'key' we all must make our way.
And see where we end up.
As a side note.
I know (knew) I can be 'that' person.
The one.
The one that could make everything better.
But.
I never get given the chance.
I have many undesireable issues.
Don't we all?
Ok. I am done for now.
Yes, am still alone..and loney.
I guess i need to stop worrying.
It may fall in place
R 11/18/17
.
posted from Bloggeroid
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