Life the universe and everything else...

It is 2016...not for long..
November.
Here I am. Not a lot different than the last 10 or so years.

I have loved.. and survived. . Been extremely happy..been disappointed.. been alone..and have experienced close company of someone I care for deeply. Currently.. my status..
Is .....
Alone.
Lonely.
Frustrated.
Lost..ever so slightly.

I have allowed my self to be hurt...confused... happy and sad..
Thus adds to the frustrations...
I have been going through the day to day processes.. to get to the next day...
Dealing with the issues that prevent me from searching for happiness..
So..as before.. stopped looking..
If it don't fall into my lap..it isn't gonna happen right now.

I am not looking... which is best.. in the long run..but usually I get into that mode where I ignore what comes or is there ..

And always pay for that in hind sight..
Unless of course . . I get hit over the head.. and get told..or the like..
It has happened..and most times..been very plesant.
Unfortunately.. life and the universe. .interferes..and I end up..
Where I am..where I was..

Story of my life.

If only I could find the timing..and geography and soul..
In the right place and time..

Life the universe and all that matters ..on a personal level, would make sense.. or at least would not hurt.

I guess this universe has no sympathy for me..thus it is not 'for' me..and I must make my own. . Always. .I learned a long time ago.. that. . I am on my own.. what comes.. or not..what I see or not..
Isn't on me..but it is if I accept it.. then. .. I must deal..if not.. not on me.

So .. that is why.. no one wants me..
Yes... there are those that need me.. I need them too...
But the want.. is one sided.. me or them.. only one sided..
As you get older..as the universe exerts it's influence..
You learn.. what is 'right now' and what is 'forever'.
What is you ..or us.. and them...

Do not get me wrong.
I have enjoyed creating 'fond' memories.. but.
There comes a point.where you see..where you are going..and it is apparent it isn't where you want or need to be.

Then.. you are on 'that' end.. and you see..how much..it .. hurts.

Not that you haven't been there..before..but that it happened .. 'again'. That you let it happen..or ignored where it was headed..

Sucker...

Yes, been there done that..again..and again.
Your fault. No one to blame but ... you.

As the universe exists..and we in it.. for what tiny effect we have on It all...
But.. as I believe. We all matter..everything we do..everything you do..effects us all.
From the moment of realization..to our end..we make difference ..In everyone's existance..how ever small...it is all connected. .. on many levels.

Have you met the person..that one..that puts it all In place for you ?

Think about it!
Yes..everyone in your life..is there for a reason.. sometimes. .for THE reason... for life...the universe. .. and everything!

Yes, sometimes. .just to give you a reality check...
To put you on the right track..

If you do not see it..realize it...use it.. you will be lost..always wondering.. never actually seeing..

That..maybe why I think I am blind to the universe's pull.
I am just lost.

I guess I am not alone..

Maybe..we all just need to find eachother..

Concept.

R 11/11/16

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