Where I am..

That is a great question.
I don't know.
I have so much in my head. Things I want, things to do...
Its May..I don't know where i've been..or how I ended up here.

I am lost again. I am striving towards a planned vacation..hoping it will fix my mind. I am not sure it will.
I just have no goal. I was headed somewhere..and got detoured.
It happened so fast and boom here I am.
Just working..trying to cling to what is around.. and still failing.

You know..when no one wants your company..you suck. It feels that way. It hurts. I was happy by myself.. after years of fighting to be with someone..and realizing it was was for nothing.. it is so hard to belong again. Now..im alone ..and cannot do anything to fix it.

Too much like my past. Burned and hurting..and withdrawn into me.
Then I had close friends..probably just in the same situation..that understood and helped. Now ..im old and by myself.
I try..and mostly fail.
It isnt easy to branch out..never has been.
I think I have something to offer.. something good. But no one wants it.. no one sees it.
After all this time..being invisible.. I am really not surprised...
Others just dont get me.. I have always been transparent.. I am what I am..and it seems to be a constant. But that is me.. always have been.. I just need someone to realize me.. those that did .. are afraid..yes.. afraid..of me..I have proven I am .. me.

I just cannot figure why.. I have been told.. what I am..is what everyone wants.. but not me.
Puzzling. I have no explanation.. it just is.

I need to be recognized. But after all this time..I still have no idea..how to make it happen.

Yep.. confused. As usual..

R5/20/16

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