Wow!
I have so much running around in my head..
I do not know where to start.
I don't know if I can get to it all.
Damn.. I am lonely.
Ok. Said.. moving on.
What I need .. is not gonna happen.
I m hanging on to what will let me.... and my grip is slipping.
Just a thread.
No mistake.. not what I want. Just that I don't know how to tighten my grip. I feel like i am holding on to a limp hand.. and slipping.
No effort from the other side..
And the weight pullng on my feet .. dragging me down.
Eventually I will have to let go.
I will slip from the hand.. and fall.
Fall away.
It has happened before..i guess I should be used to it.. being the right one..at the wrong time..
The similarity is bothersome..
I never knew then..so why should I know now.
As alike as the people and situations are... they are differnet.. but results are the same.. I am disturbed as to why.
It makes me think..it must be me. Not you or them.. I am the constant.. you are polar opposites.. and yet I seenthe similarity and the exquisite differences.
You are loyal and committed. .and faithful and Insecure... they were none of those..yet so similar..even in the differences..
But ..I am feeling the same.. burned ..confused.. lost.. unworthy. . Grateful for being let in your world... sad because..I didnt make the cut.
And now..im just me..alone. .lost.. sitting here wondering why..and wondering what i should have done differently.
I know ..nothing.. I am me. And usually am 10 or 15 years early.
I will have the occasional friend..but will always be alone.
Exactly my worst fear.
Just the way it must be.
I guess I need to make it appear..I am wanted..otherwise no one will want me..
Proven..if no one wants you.. you are not wanted.
If someone wants you.. you are desired by others..or considered worthy, of being wanted..
Otherwise..you have nothing. And there you are.
Here I am
Just me. That is what it means.
Not much to anyone else.
Just me.
Someday..I will find that person. The one that listens to my soul..and hears my tears and pain.
The person that stops long enough to know..I am real. I hurt. And I feel. I help to help myself. I heal to heal myself.
I know..if I help heal you..you will not want/need a broken soul like me..and you will leave. .leave me wondering..and alone.
But , someday..that person will see. See the me that is more than the healer..helper..the one that listens. .
Just not now..not today.
ISTBA.. what can I say.
R 5/17/16
I have so much running around in my head..
I do not know where to start.
I don't know if I can get to it all.
Damn.. I am lonely.
Ok. Said.. moving on.
What I need .. is not gonna happen.
I m hanging on to what will let me.... and my grip is slipping.
Just a thread.
No mistake.. not what I want. Just that I don't know how to tighten my grip. I feel like i am holding on to a limp hand.. and slipping.
No effort from the other side..
And the weight pullng on my feet .. dragging me down.
Eventually I will have to let go.
I will slip from the hand.. and fall.
Fall away.
It has happened before..i guess I should be used to it.. being the right one..at the wrong time..
The similarity is bothersome..
I never knew then..so why should I know now.
As alike as the people and situations are... they are differnet.. but results are the same.. I am disturbed as to why.
It makes me think..it must be me. Not you or them.. I am the constant.. you are polar opposites.. and yet I seenthe similarity and the exquisite differences.
You are loyal and committed. .and faithful and Insecure... they were none of those..yet so similar..even in the differences..
But ..I am feeling the same.. burned ..confused.. lost.. unworthy. . Grateful for being let in your world... sad because..I didnt make the cut.
And now..im just me..alone. .lost.. sitting here wondering why..and wondering what i should have done differently.
I know ..nothing.. I am me. And usually am 10 or 15 years early.
I will have the occasional friend..but will always be alone.
Exactly my worst fear.
Just the way it must be.
I guess I need to make it appear..I am wanted..otherwise no one will want me..
Proven..if no one wants you.. you are not wanted.
If someone wants you.. you are desired by others..or considered worthy, of being wanted..
Otherwise..you have nothing. And there you are.
Here I am
Just me. That is what it means.
Not much to anyone else.
Just me.
Someday..I will find that person. The one that listens to my soul..and hears my tears and pain.
The person that stops long enough to know..I am real. I hurt. And I feel. I help to help myself. I heal to heal myself.
I know..if I help heal you..you will not want/need a broken soul like me..and you will leave. .leave me wondering..and alone.
But , someday..that person will see. See the me that is more than the healer..helper..the one that listens. .
Just not now..not today.
ISTBA.. what can I say.
R 5/17/16
posted from Bloggeroid
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