Always the same.. I am either one or the other.
I guess it could be worse..I could not be trying at all.
But .. right now.. nothing is happening with either effort.
I will just have to see what happens.
Ok.. yes.. I did say 'we need to have a conversation' ... you caught me off guard when you asked..because I didnt remember writing that. As I said.. it is a future conversation. .best after a few drinks.. to loosen the tongues and minds.
It is all for my benefit.
I have many questions that only someone like you can answer..
I hope.
I don't know anyone as well as you..that is qualified to help me answer these questions.
It is just somethings that bother me.. relationship wise..that I cannot figure out..and I hope you can shed some light on it for me..
Maybe not...and if so..probably no one can...no one has yet.
If there are answers..it will help me. If not.. nothing new..
I have faith that you and I are close enough..that the information will help.
It isnt anything mind blowing. .just information I dont have. .that I need. But..as I said.. the walls need to be down..so alcohol probably will be the best relaxer.. and in person may be easier.
Sorry..I didnt give a full response when you asked..I just didnt remember why and what I posted.
So..back to tonights topic.
Stood up again.. mostly my fault..semi intentionally... but not.
Had plans to hang out..but worked late..cooked late..dealt with a angry/depressed kiddo..had to go out to deposit a check that came in the mail..needed a shower..and then..texts with no response.. facebook chat..unanswered.. and then..nothing... time for beer.
So.. to little..to late.. life happens and I miss out.
Not a real problem. .just frustrating.
I really need to get my life back in order. Not sure where it went down this road..but something has to change.
I just feel lost..and cannot shake it.
The things that gave me a reason to get up in the morning.
Those things that let me sleep at night .. knowing I am making a difference... are not there.. I dont know why its gone.
I feel I am failing..and the fact that no one is calling me on it..makes me question it.
My purpose..is in question. I have no gauge..no guide.
Aimless..I have plans..but not sure I am going to enjoy it..
No one to share it with.. just a memory for me.
And no one I know will appreciate my experience.
So..do I even bother.. just stay home?
Should I go back to the old me..the one who worked 16 hrs and didnt sleep..and was too busy to be lonely??
Now I know why my dad worked 3 jobs when there was no reason to go home.
I guess I am still lost..
I guess I am still alone.
I guess..
R 5/4/16
I guess it could be worse..I could not be trying at all.
But .. right now.. nothing is happening with either effort.
I will just have to see what happens.
Ok.. yes.. I did say 'we need to have a conversation' ... you caught me off guard when you asked..because I didnt remember writing that. As I said.. it is a future conversation. .best after a few drinks.. to loosen the tongues and minds.
It is all for my benefit.
I have many questions that only someone like you can answer..
I hope.
I don't know anyone as well as you..that is qualified to help me answer these questions.
It is just somethings that bother me.. relationship wise..that I cannot figure out..and I hope you can shed some light on it for me..
Maybe not...and if so..probably no one can...no one has yet.
If there are answers..it will help me. If not.. nothing new..
I have faith that you and I are close enough..that the information will help.
It isnt anything mind blowing. .just information I dont have. .that I need. But..as I said.. the walls need to be down..so alcohol probably will be the best relaxer.. and in person may be easier.
Sorry..I didnt give a full response when you asked..I just didnt remember why and what I posted.
So..back to tonights topic.
Stood up again.. mostly my fault..semi intentionally... but not.
Had plans to hang out..but worked late..cooked late..dealt with a angry/depressed kiddo..had to go out to deposit a check that came in the mail..needed a shower..and then..texts with no response.. facebook chat..unanswered.. and then..nothing... time for beer.
So.. to little..to late.. life happens and I miss out.
Not a real problem. .just frustrating.
I really need to get my life back in order. Not sure where it went down this road..but something has to change.
I just feel lost..and cannot shake it.
The things that gave me a reason to get up in the morning.
Those things that let me sleep at night .. knowing I am making a difference... are not there.. I dont know why its gone.
I feel I am failing..and the fact that no one is calling me on it..makes me question it.
My purpose..is in question. I have no gauge..no guide.
Aimless..I have plans..but not sure I am going to enjoy it..
No one to share it with.. just a memory for me.
And no one I know will appreciate my experience.
So..do I even bother.. just stay home?
Should I go back to the old me..the one who worked 16 hrs and didnt sleep..and was too busy to be lonely??
Now I know why my dad worked 3 jobs when there was no reason to go home.
I guess I am still lost..
I guess I am still alone.
I guess..
R 5/4/16
posted from Bloggeroid
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