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It's really unfair.
I wasn't allowed to show my feelings until it was no longer a problem for someone else.
Then for a week it was OK, I got in trouble for not giving you a kiss or a hug.
Then all this happens and I am lost.

I realize we have never talked on the phone, I realize we have never taken a picture together.

I am so new to all this, it has been 20 years since I have tried to date anyone. I am programmed to not be all those things I should be. I have been told what not to do for so long its second nature. For the past 6 or 10 years, shows of affection were out. No holding hands, hugging, snuggling all those things I want to be able to learn to do again.

I don't have much going for me physically, I haven't spent much time with nothing more to do than to work out. I have been doing what a man does, working and providing for his family, food and shelter making life comfortable. Without love in a man's life, it makes him pretty dull.

I have a lot of love to give.. scratch that, Share.

My complicated home situation is starting to change, As I told you it would. The roommate is almost moved out. She has a place to go and will be there most of the time, been there all weekend, moving her stuff there so its comfortable for her.

I need to get myself caught up, I need to pay off some of these bills and get my monthly payments in order.
I am at a break even point pay wise. As long as I don't go out every night and stop spending $60 trying to drown my confusion. I have work to do, work I have neglected, so I will.

I guess, even though it hurts, I will plan to move on.
I have to wonder if your not telling me because you still haven't made up your mind, and are afraid I'll go away and turn you away if you decide you made a mistake.
I also wonder if you promised not to contact me.. that would be wrong, even if it was just to yourself.
Do I need to leave you free on the weekends, so you dont have to avoid me so you can be available?
You got to tell me.

Anyway, stuff to do..
Be back later I am sure..

R
10/28/12 2:46P